Easter report and a crisp lead-up

This blog will be out of action over the Easter weekend while I attempt to juggle a temporary funds shortage with a strong desire to set up camp at the Local Taphouse, after just receiving a text from them saying they've tapped their "April Belgian Ale Showcase". I mean, shit, that's worth ditching everything and driving there right now for. Actually, what I really wanted to say is it's like dangling donuts in front of a horizontally challenged individual but that's just not very PC now, is it?

So expect a very in-depth Easter report come Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday depending how much pain I'm in.

Until then, I'll leave you with Brains SA Gold Premium Ale (Wales). First Welsh beer I've tried actually, which is surprising (I'm part Welsh, y'see) and it does the job - a lovely crisp beer. Even pleasing to someone who's usually most interested in beers with creamier qualities. Tooheys needs to take lessons from Brains then they'd understand what "clean and crisp" is supposed to taste like.

See you on the other side of eating too much chocolate, drinking too much alcohol and doubling in size.

Spot the difference

Re; the drink to the left - You really do have to wonder about society sometimes. Well let's face it, all the time really.

Top six Melbourne bars (as of today)

Lambsgo bar (Fitzroy)
So my latest bar discovery. My housemate described it as having a "Mexican" vibe. A small bar, tucked away from the hustle and bustle and general crapness of Brunswick St bars. The best thing about it - a fridge stocked with 100ish imported beers, good lord, as you can see in the first image. The second image is the wall to the left of the bar - was very impressed to see the kind of beer posters they had up - and we were sitting in a comfortable dark position right in front. Lambsgo bar is then segmented into different rooms - the one where you enter has low tables and chairs to chill out, with a Galaga machine close by. Next room has a pool table, next room has dining table/chairs for the eating customers, next area is a smoking courtyard.

Small but with everything you need, more importantly dark, and most importantly they know their shit when it comes to beer - there's a friggin two page menu. They also have an old school bar tap and red telephone next to the bar. Brilliant.

The Standard (Fitzroy)
Aside from the Corner which I talk about below (and whose presence I can't help but let into my world on a daily basis) The Standard is the next pub I consistently find myself at. Now the trick here is to perfectly time your arrival to The Standard to ensure you get a beergarden table. I'm not revealing the trick, work it out yourself. You don't want to miss out on a beergarden table, it's worth fighting for. In fact the other day when we left the bar, I went up to a guy who had kindly asked me to let him know when we were leaving so he could pinch our seats, and passed the torch on. The look of relief and happiness on the guy's face was worth going alone. Well kinda.

So The Standard's other qualities - great food, a small but good imported beer selection, Bulmers on tap (UK not Irish, hehe) and they make the best bloody mary I've had in a bar in Australia. They use a splash of red wine and good tomato juice. Genius. Really, when you go to The Standard, you're investing at least a few hours there, if not one hell of an enjoyable afternoon/evening.

NOTE/HINT - The Standard don't use this I don't think, but I'm also a bloody mary fiend and make my own regularly - Golden Circle Tomato Juice and celery salt are the key.

Local Taphouse (St Kilda)
I've talked a lot about this place in previous blogs and given how long this blog is getting I'll let the goodness of what I've told you previously soak in further.

Napier Hotel (Fitzroy)
Tucked away between Brunswick St and Smith St. Part irish pub vibe, you really need to be up for a feed when you go here since it's really centred around the food, with the drinks almost being a side issue. But here's the thing - you will not believe the portion sizes you get at the Napier. I think we ordered an entree once that could barely be finished. Plus all the food I've tried there tastes amazing. The beergarden is ok (though the weakest of the beergardens mentioned here and I don't remember much music being played at a decent level either) but not inviting enough to really commit to a long afternoon of drinking.

The clientele is a bit rougher footy type for my liking then again, during AFL season, so is the next pub - that doesn't really detract from its likeable qualities though (in either case) as long as you time your drinking sessions correctly.

Corner Hotel (Richmond)
Now I'm going to be biased towards the Corner by default because I work in an office in the same building, with my desk being about 30 steps from the upstairs bar, but this really is a music institution in Melbourne, with touring bands disrupting my work on a not quite daily but feels too often basis. Sometimes I'm happy with the disruption if it's a great band, others - like many shall not be named Australian touring acts - are just plain annoying. If I drilled a hole straight into the floor from where I'm sitting, I'd land somewhere near the stage. Good to know.

Anyway, great bar staff, amazing food, and not only do they have a beergarden where you can regularly hear Old Crow Medicine Show, Dylan and the like, but they also have a downstairs bar area aside from the band room that has booths, a pool table and an old school arcade machine with Galaga, 1942, Space Invaders and all the greats. Just good vibes all round. The only thing lacking is a good beer selection but in this life, you gotta compromise and I'm very willing to do it given everything else the Corner offers. Plus Mountain Goat Hightail Ale (Richmond) tastes good on tap as long as you don't let it drop a degree in temperature i.e. drink quickly.

Great Britain Hotel (Richmond)
Terrible looking on the outside - in fact it's one of the first bars discovered in Melbourne by my housemate when we moved over here from Perth, but I never wanted to go in because it looks like a horrible blue collar bar from the sidewalk. How wrong I was. Now, as long as you never go there on a Friday or Saturday night when all the upturned collar fuckwits go to pick up short skirts (and try them on presumably) you'll be witness to a very chilled, dark, somewhat dirty folk/rock/blues vibe.

Couches inside, great decor and folk singer/songwriters every Sunday afternoon. Beergarden lacks sunshine in the winter which is difficult to deal with given how bone chilling the Melbourne winters can be, but they have wasabi peas available on their bar snack list, so I forgive them. Also don't ever try the "Piss" beer they have on tap - it tastes exactly as it sounds. Cider on tap is Pipsqueak - as mentioned previously is far more tolerable then in bottle form.

Oh and to dispel the legend - Bimbos is not a good place and don't ever mention it to me alongside any of these. The end.

Five recently tried brews to avoid

Anything from the Bridge Road brewery (VIC)
Firstly, there is no brewery on Bridge Road. Secondly, I was recommended this by a guy working at the Queen Victoria St markets on a Saturday afternoon who gave me a taste of some Rose that he said was awesome "and he doesn't even like Rose". Think sipping on red cordial after leaving it in a glass on your kitchen counter for 5 months. So I'm not sure why I even entertained the idea of trusting his opinion, but it was $5 badly spent. Also the label had BLING written on it, as you can see in the image...

However, despite that, it's not as bad as...

Pepperjack Ale (SA)
A winery owned by Fosters created a beer. Do I need to explain this any further? I had a couple of sips and poured the rest down the sink because it was so horrendous. No idea what I've done in a past life to have deserved this brutal assault on my taste buds. I think Pepperjack is quite possibly the worst beer I've ever tasted. Moving on...

Young's Old Special Ale (UK)
It's a damn shame because they nailed the stout, but are just slightly off when it comes to the special ale. It's missing the wonderful connection you're supposed to have between the creamy texture and the bitter hop finish. It needs to be consolidated because it does have the potential, the execution is just off. The will is strong but the skin is weak etc etc.

Tripel Karmeliet (Belgium)
Shocked that I've listed a high-end Belgian beer? Now I have to say, after the glowing recommendation from the bar woman at the Belgium Beer Cafe, I was really excited about finding this and trying it for the first time, mainly because she served me the Roquefort and Pauwel Kwak and both were brilliant. Unfortunately, the Tripel Karmeliet fails where something like the Hoegaarden Grand Cru succeeds. It's a brutally creamy brew, very sweet, but without the lingering bitterness, therefore leaving you with that constant feeling of having ingested too much sugar and the queasiness associated with it. Damn, and I was really after a beautiful relationship. Next time.

Monteith's Golden Lager (NZ)
New Zealand's answer to Corona. Now if I want to drink water, I'll just drink water, and in this case I'll put a few drops of pure ethanol in my water rather than spending money on something I can't even believe is being seriously marketed as a legitimate brew. It's no surprise the Golden Lager tastes as weak as their Cider, on the other hand though their Celtic Ale is decent. Inconsistent.

I had an amazing bar experience on Saturday, until the next blog.

Cider, cider everywhere so let's all have a drink

Four quick things...

1. After yesterday's blog, I received a text from the Local Taphouse of the two latest brews tapped - Little Creatures India Pale Ale (WA) and Napoleon & Co Cider (??). I can't find anything about it online, so expect a full report on your desk Monday morning after I sample it this weekend.

2. I work upstairs at the Corner Hotel in Melbourne and therefore use the toilet facilities used by patrons at the pub. I was just in there washing my hands and noticed a bottle on the sink. It was Mercury Dry Cider (TAS). I'm also incredibly hungover so nearly literally threw up at the sight, especially considering the Corner also sells Bulmers (UK). I'd like to find the person who left that bottle there and tear them to shreds.

3. Yes, there is a Bulmers (IRE) as well, but outside of Ireland it's called Magners Original Irish Cider (IRE). Without going into too much detail, Bulmers and Magners were friends once, then severed ties. Blah Blah copyright dispute blah blah blah. Also Strongbow (UK) is manufactured by Bulmers. The British one. And a few years ago they launched a variation called Strongbow Sirrus (UK) to compete with Magners. Which is called Bulmers in Ireland. All very confusing. Also Strongbow (UK) is what we get in Australia except we do a Sweet version and they don't. Funny how the one version we did ourselves tastes like crap. Oh and we produced the short lived Strongbow White (AUS) which from all reports also tasted like crap.

4. In reference to my hangover in point two, last night I had a little too much high-end beer, which is better than way too much low-end beer except when it comes to longevity. And the headache the next day is the same you'd get from drinking too many cocktails. See photo for reasons why I feel like arse today. 6.4%-9% brews. Christ.

Have a great weekend, send me beer photos.

PS. I've been told to create a flow chart on point 3. Maybe next blog.

In Cider and now I'm Out Of Cider

I realise I've made a terrible mistake with this whole beer tasting business. I got too excited, a little too keen, a little overzealous and now I've fucked myself.

Where do you go once you've sipped on something created by Belgian monks for gods sake? I should have built up to it, not jumped in straight away. You don't start at the bottom rung and leapfrog to the top in one go, there's small steps that need to be taken, that are important to be taken, important for the journey's sake.

So I'm going to take a breather from the beer for a moment, and quickly run you through the top 5ish general ciders worth noting. By general I mean the ones you're most likely to be served at an Australian pub, and by worth noting, I mean that they're not all necessarily good, and the ones that aren't good deserve to be belittled.

Bulmers (UK), Magners (IRE)
Finding Magners on tap in Australia is like looking for the Lost Ark, and to this day I don't actually think I've seen it anywhere on tap, which is a damn shame, because it ranks as one of the best ciders in the world. Good on the Irish, they're more than just a pretty stout. Luckily though, Bulmers - the UK version (rip off) of Magners - is appearing in more and more pubs as time goes by. I love Bulmers for the same reasons I like my favourites pales. A good balance of flavour, not too sweet or fruity, with a good colour and incredibly refreshing. It's also an amazing hangover cure.

Pipsqueak (WA)
Brewed by Little Creatures. I frequently have people telling me how great they think Pipsqueak tastes and I just don't see it myself. I'm guessing it's because the massive problem with Pipsqueak is only most noticeable in the bottled form - and it's the fact that it's over-carbonated. No good drinking a cider if you're going to have to belch every 3 seconds and have to take small sips because the bubbles are overpowering your tongue. Other than that, the taste is ok but it's pretty unspectacular.

Strongbow (UK), Three Oaks (SA)
Firstly, don't ever touch the Strongbow Sweet (thankfully only Australia fucked this one, the UK brewery does not produce a Sweet version). The primary danger of cider is being given one that actually tastes like apples - that's not what cider is meant to be about. It's like if a beer tasted like nothing but wheat and hops. The Dry and Draught versions are satisfactory, in that Pipsqueak kind of way, while the Three Oaks is a step below. In beer terms, this is hovering in that Heineken/Tooheys New kind of area.

Mercury (TAS)
This is quite possibly the most depressing cider known to man kind. It looks bland, it tastes like crap and it leaves you with an amazing hangover thanks to being loaded up with preservatives, just like all those low carb beers. Actually here I should point out that low carb beers should never be invested in to begin with. If you don't want to gain weight, don't drink any beer in the first place. Vodka has bugger all calories, drink that with soda. I tried drinking a mere 6 pack of that Boag's Blonde, and woke up not understanding why my brain felt detached from my head.

It actually makes me angry seeing people drinking Mercury, particularly at bars that are based around good quality product. I witnessed this at the Local Taphouse as I was sipping on my Timothy Taylor Pale. I mean for god's sake, go to Crown Casino at 3am if you want to indulge in scum scraped from the bottom of a barrel.

Monteith's Crushed Apple Cider (NZ)
The newbie cider. The problem here though is you know exactly what you're going to get from the moment you see it poured from a tap. A weak cider, weak in colour, weak in taste. I may as well be drinking diluted carbonated apple juice. This is the equivalent of drinking mid-strength beer, which is just as bad as drinking low-carb beer. For shame.

I did a bit of research on cider too - whilst this is a blind recommendation, if you're looking for something a bit finer, maybe check out the Wychwood Green Goblin Oak Aged Cider (UK). I've tried two Wychwood beers which were both pleasing and I think they would have the same quality control on their cider too. If it's bad, I apologise.

Depression

Forget what the dictionary says, the definition of depression is going to a restaurant you're really looking forward to eating at for the first time because the food is meant to be awesome, and then seeing the following beer menu...



When the most exciting beer on a menu is one that has "bio-grow certified" next to it, you know you may as well kill yourself right now. And no, it is not acceptable to just settle for Heineken.

Beer and cheese

I touched on this briefly in the Trappist blog. Yeah, I know - beer and cheese doesn't quite have the same kind of sophisticated ring that red wine and cheese does. In fact the mental image conjured for me is one of a massive pitcher of low quality beer and a massive bowl of nachos with fatty fat fat fat cheese melted on top, resembling the Blob if it was yellow and had a taste for corn chips instead of blood.

But for me, beer and cheese is a much more exciting combination of the two. Though I've never really been a wine drinker - I think Chardonnay is an abomination on the achievements of the human race, and the difference between a good and bad wine is that one doesn't taste like it wants to kill me by liquifying my internal organs. Actually another Black Books quote fits in nicely here - "No one is willing to admit that wine doesn't actually have a taste."

Anyway, so far there's been two beer and cheese combinations that have really struck me. The Chimay Blue Grand Reserve (Belgium) and Roquefort cheese (far right) in particular is a brilliant mutually beneficial partnership. Both being incredibly rich, smooth, creamy - it's like your palette is being fed liquid sensory enhancing drugs. This isn't a combination you can have as part of a late afternoon platter shared with friends though, this lends itself to you finding a completely isolated area, caressing a cigar in one hand, your Chimay in the other, the Roquefort laid out in front of you, some Coltrane playing in the background and taking a deep breath and enjoying the environment you've created, and when I say you've created, I mean you ARE fucking god. Yes, it is a combination of pretension and you should damn well enjoy it as such.

The James Squire Porter (NSW) coupled with Spanish San Simon cheese, on the other hand, is a lighter coupling - the Porter being a light, crisp beer and the San Simon resembling orange cheddar in appearance (I'm no good with cheese descriptions, sorry) with a light, complimentary taste. Something to enjoy on a Sunday afternoon with friends when you're hungover as shit and want to go some significant steps up from just a carton of VB, some Coles purchased Gouda and a box of Captain's Table water crackers.

Here's the problem - although I want to explore this further, in the two weekends of mixing two great loves together, I've put on a shitload of weight. Beer and cheese, while having the potential to blow your mind, will also turn you into a fat sack of crap.

Have a great weekend.

If you are reading this...

What the heck is wrong with you? It's St. Patrick's Day.

Rectify this situation immediately and go indulge in some quality Guinness at your local.

I'll speak to you tomorrow.

In anticipation of St. Patrick's Day, let's talk about unconvincing Dark Lager.

Well it's not quite a stout, and it's not quite a lager, but maaaan...

It's a Monday. It's not the time for pleasantries, and it's about time I wrote something negative about a brew in this blog. Ahh, dark lager - you have so much potential to be so much more but you'll never get there because you're too fascinated with playing the role of Switzerland and treading that shitty line down the middle of the road.

Now the name Köstritzer Schwarzbier (Germany) (the can in the photo below) had been popping up for me a bit recently. It's in my bible and it was recommended by the bar girl at the Local Taphouse so given I had a positive review from more than one reliable source, it was on the must have list. Acland Cellars never fails me, however they only had it in cans which was a little disappointing, though no more so than being denied that beautiful Kwak glass previously.

The Köstritzer is world famous - seemingly the most popular dark lager in the world. All I have to say is - whoever bothers to invest any time and effort into this type of beer is surely the same kind of human being that thinks having that extra piece of peppermint chocolate for dessert is "being deliciously naughty". The kind of person who defines decadence by staying up an hour later than usual. But I digress - Köstritzer is the best of the three or so I've tried recently, but it's the best of a really shitty bunch.

This Wednesday, if you happen to spot an individual with an upturned collar talking about how much he'd like to fuck that leggy blond that just walked by, drinking what looks like Guinness, it's more likely a dark lager. Now don't misunderstand me - any dark lager is still superior to, say, having to consume Tooheys Extra Dry, but at least TEDs doesn't pretend to be something it's not. Just because you have the sexy looking appeal of a stout doesn't mean you're anywhere near that league. You smell like nothing, you taste like nothing.

Also, if you're wondering why I don't blog on the weekends, I'm too busy being drunk or watching TV series' and movies in order to deal with being post-drunk. For some reason of late as well, I'm continually finding myself waking up with no pants. Clearly my drunk self likes being unrestricted and free.

Hoegaarden Grand Cru

Well this came out of nowhere. See I have this beer bible, it's an amazing reference point and I base a lot of the beers I try on it. The guy that wrote it is actually dead now, and I'm sure alcohol had nothing to do with it.

Anyway, it lists two different Hoegaarden's - the Witbier (Belgium) (original) and the special. So when I spotted the Grand Cru (not the special) I was very curious. The only time I've had Hoegaarden was after smashing a massive pasta meal many years ago and then trying to drink a whole carton by myself. Got to 8 then I don't know. Clearly back then I wasn't drinking to enjoy the taste.

But wow, the Hoegaarden Grand Cru (Belgium). 8.5% alcohol content, fantastic cloudy golden colouring, a lot of sediment. In terms of smell/taste, it's like the opposite of Duvel. It pours with very little aroma (despite what you may read elsewhere, it's all lies I'm telling you) but then hits you with a three stage flavour process. First the smooth richness rolling over your tongue, second the honey characteristic coming through as it heads towards the back of your throat, before leaving a lingering bitterness that offsets the sweetness of the honey, thus allowing for that next sip to be as interesting as the last without the sweetness ever becoming overpowering, and for the consumption of multiple glasses to occur (though bare in mind the high alcohol content, this could knock you about quite badly).

I have to say, if we forget about the aromatic aspect, this is one of the most perfectly balanced beers I've had to date. I know, I know - you can't just leave aroma at the door. But Hoegaarden is damn well doing something right with the arrogance they're displaying in basically neglecting a major element required for good taste but still producing a top-quality brew. Shooting to top 5 easily - maybe top 3 when I enjoy it at some occasion that has some sentimentality.

It's the bottle that's fourth from the left in the image above, I'll get to the others later.

Grand Cru - my god.

Beer Nerd

I just bought myself a proper Duvel glass. This is all very exciting. Now to understand the extent of my beer obsession, if either my housemate or my dogs break this glass, someone will die.

Samuel Smith - Imperial Stout and Tort

It's not necessarily that I've never been a fan of stout, it's just I've always had it in the wrong context. Like my first Guinness when I was in high school around the time I wore stone wash jeans and therefore clearly knew jack about anything. Or tried drinking it in that Solo "slam it down fast" manner when I was dying from dehydration. So we've never really been introduced under the best circumstances, and it's no wonder I haven't really been interested until now.

Christmas last year. Being an orphan in a new city, I made myself a massive ham and turkey lunch with all the frills since I was missing out on being lazy, being able to go to the house of a family member and have all the food put in front of me then pass out on the couch. Part of this meal revolved around some pre-packaged plum pudding. The only real way I could possibly make this taste like something a human could actually consume was a) smother it in custard and brandy or, b) find a matching beer.

So I went with Young's Double Chocolate Stout (UK). I'd been recommended this by a friend on Facebook (bless it) and it's commonly known that chocolate stout's are perfect as dessert beers. Now after I'd stuffed my stomach with good quality meat and salad, I turned my attention to the stout/pudding combination and it was certainly, to put it gently, fucking brilliant. HOWEVER - since this was my first stout matching experience (and that I'd drank a six pack of Hawthorn's Pale Ale (VIC) prior to dessert), I probably jumped the gun too soon on the praise. Since then, I've found something that far exceeds the pleasure of the Christmas decadence.

Back again to the Local Taphouse in St Kilda - After sampling their beer and matching cheese tasting platter, I couldn't resist looking at their dessert menu. The thing that caught my eye was the Samuel Smith's Imperial Stout (UK) Tort with cream. If you check out the photo above, the dessert is in the middle, with the bottle of the stout to the right. The girl behind the bar ran me through some options that could be complimentary, contrasting or cutting, one such option involved matching the dessert with a Kriek and therefore getting a Cherry Ripe effect, but I couldn't resist the actual perfect complimentary match, and went with the stout instead.

All you have to do here really is imagine the following - putting a piece of rich, dense chocolate tort covered in light-textured but full-flavoured cream in your mouth, then sipping on a rich stout, the very same stout that was infused with the tort in the first place, swishing it all around and swallowing it down, leaving that warm feeling in your belly you know can only come from the finer things. Now I don't know for what crazy message it was that followed, but after experiencing sunny warm weather all morning, the clouds suddenly rolled out and burst open with hail. This forced us out of the beergarden and back into the pub for another hour or so, being unable to leave because of the sheer power of the thunderstorm. I think that was someone/thing trying to keep us there and truly indulge in the experience.

Pauwel Kwak

I know, I know - more Belgium beer. But I have no problem gravitating towards the finest. Belgium has corrupted me to the point that I can't stand the thought of buying a carton of Cooper's Pale Ale (SA) anymore. This may not sound like a big deal, except for the fact I used to buy a carton a week and proclaimed Cooper's Pale Ale as the second coming of Jesus. It was the friend that was always there, teacher, mother, secret lover. Took great pleasure in the few times I found myself with time to kill at Adelaide Airport and was able to get in on tap from the source. And now I've abandoned it - sunrise, sunset, and all that.

The Pauwel Kwak (Belgium) has an (apparent) amazing history. I say apparent because this very well could be nothing more than brewery propaganda - even if it is, it's quite the story. Named after the guy who brewed it, legend goes that Pauwel Kwak was an innkeeper in Napoleon times who not only created this particular amber ale, but also the unique glass that it's best served in. The glass was apparently designed to be hung on a coach, as coachmen had to chill out with their horses rather than being allowed to drink at the Inn - you couldn't leave coaches and horses alone outside, the story goes.

Now here's the problem with having such a cool, sophisticated glass to go with the beer you're drinking - stupid footy bogans don't respect it. When I ordered the Kwak, the awfully-friendly bar chick apologised profusely about not being able to serve it in the proper manner. When your pub starts with 12 such glasses at the beginning of 2010, and are left with 3 only two months later, it's a fair call to put a blanket ban on the use of it. She realised I wasn't into the whole stealing or smashing vibe, but had her hands tied. Stupid fucking footy bogans ruining my fun. I did get a couple of coasters as consolation, special Kwak coasters that I shall put on my mantelpiece, along with many an empty bottle of beer, a novelty Duff beer can and a black Cooper's cap. Still not the fucking glass though.

So I was served it in an incorrect glass, which was fine, I'll take what I can get when my life experience is hampered by idiots. However, it seems like this call was complete sacrilege, as I was told that not ten minutes prior a group of Belgians had ordered the Kwak, were told it couldn't be served in its proper glass, and subsequently changed their order in a hurry. I apologise to the Belgians.

The Kwak pours with a massive head and stays true to its amber colour. Its strongest characteristic is the hint of banana in both aroma and taste. A very rich taste, might I add. I've read that there are traces of licorice that can be sensed, which I think is complete bullshit, and is merely one of those descriptions that people have run with when they couldn't put their finger on the complexity of the brew. Like when a journalist calls a band "new wave" and suddenly... BAM. You have the second coming of the movement, even if the description is misplaced and makes no sense. Remember that? Yeah, not fun times.

My housemate made a great call on the way to trying out this beer. Paraphrasing here, but something like "You realise you've just started a beer blog. In order to write a beer blog, you need to drink more beer, which means you'll inevitably be less good at writing". The less good part was a complete pisstake, then again, I find myself leaving you with the following;

The description in the photo above says "nougat like solidity, hints of liquorice passing into a warm finish that reminds you of caramelised banana".

I say - this beer is awesome, indulge in it and love it.

Trappist Beer

Ok, this shit is fucking insane. For those not familiar with Trappist beers, basically there's only 7 breweries in the world that are allowed to stamp their bottles with the 'Authenic Trappist' brew logo. 6 of them exist in Belgium, 1 in the Netherlands. Trappist beers have the characteristic of being brewed by Trappist monks. Wikipedia "Trappist" if you want to know more about what the vibe of the monks is. This all reminds me of that episode of Black Books with the holy grapes that grew in the rose bush. You know, the one with the expensive wine and the magic pencils and the painting of the cow.

Now - here's the thing about Trappist beers. They are intense flavour wise. While you may be very familiar with the Chimay brew (of which the Chimay Blue Grand Reserve (Belgium) goes exceptionally well with a nice soft Roquefort cheese, that's mind blowing stuff right there) it isn't necessarily the best Trappist. Kinda like how Stella is the highest selling Belgium beer and is rubbish compared to all other beers Belgium has to offer but everyone knows what Stella is. Aside from the Stella violation against mankind (then again, who is Australia to talk when we came up with Fosters?), basically Belgium (and Seattle, USA) lead the way. I know, Seattle, didn't see that one coming, eh?

So, the Rochefort Trappist (Belgium). It comes in the 6, 8 and 10 options, which vary in colour, flavour and alcohol content. I wasn't quite game enough to try the 10 on first go, which the helpful bar girl at the Belgium Beer Cafe on St Kilda Road commended me on, saying it was best to start with the 8 so that my "face wouldn't be blown off". What is it with bar staff and use of that metaphor?

So I got the 8 - which is still 9% in alcohol content. Now let me tell you - this beer is sensational. Full-bodied, with a hint of chocolate aroma, and similarly a chocolate aftertaste, but without being super sweet at any point. The first sip was like indulging in some amazing pure nectar that lingered on the palette but without giving away too much too soon so that you're kept wanting more. Plus if the sediment at the bottom of a bottle of this beer isn't enough to impress you, I don't know what is. Cooper's Pale Ale (SA) sediment is nothing compared to this.

Apparently Roquefort Trappist is also a good breakfast beer. Despite its full-body, it's easy to see why - the taste is something you can ease into whilst still retaining a strong flavour, exactly like that first coffee in the morning prior to facing a long day at work. And we all know how critical that is.

Beer, with the possibility of more beer to come.

Aside from music, which has become a full time career for me, beer (specifically imported and boutique beer) is the only other man-made product that fills me with the same level of excitement. Possibly more, except if we're talking about CCR, The Beatles or Bob Dylan. Then again, it's really a mutually beneficial relationship; I recently danced in a puddle outside my house to Down On The Corner after a long afternoon of drinking.

Now - I can't really write about music anymore like I once did, due to reasons involving annoying buzz words like "conflict" and "interest" which is all a load of horseshit really, and I could just write about it anonymously anyway, but at least with beer I can talk about it openly with no fear of repercussion, except possible ongoing concern about the depth of my alcoholism, but who wants to worry about silly things like that. Even if a doctor recently told me - as recent as a month ago - to change my lifestyle. Bare in mind I'm in my 27th year too, so the fact my interest has peaked in relation to booze and booze related products in what has become to be known as "the death year" is interesting...

Anyway, enough about music and the obligatory back story... we're here, we're clear, we want to talk about beer.

I like to purchase around six new samples each bottle store visit, or find the most appropriate pubs around Melbourne that seem to know their shit about beer and spend a good afternoon there. Like the Local Taphouse in St Kilda, which taps more than 180 different beers a year, as well as providing a beer tasting platter with matching cheese, and stocking Timothy Taylor's Landlord Strong Pale Ale, which you can see in the photo, but we'll get to that in a minute.

Let's take it from the top;

Bluebottle Pale Ale (NSW)
I was in Sydney on a business trip and before heading off to the airport to catch a flight home, went to the local to grab a six pack - I need to have sunk at least a couple before catching any flight, this is critical in dealing with the impending invasion of personal space. I was greeted by a friendly stocky man who was offering taste tests of his boutique brewery's new products. Lo and behold, the Bluebottle Pale Ale was one of them. A smooth light pale that doesn't linger on the palette, making it a refreshing accompaniment to any meal since it doesn't run the risk of interfering with the flavours from your food. The actual intention of the brewery was to create a beer that could compliment a wide variety of occasions. Hence I recommend drinking this whilst enjoying a good curry dinner or afternoon fish and chips meal (in fact seafood in general, it's no surprise the name actually means something), and warn that this is definitely not for those after bolder flavours.

Epic Pale Ale (NZ)
The store clerk maybe exaggerated a little on this one. I was told that it was the most intense pale I would ever try and that it would "blow the back of my head out". Ok, now it is a bold drop, rich in fruity flavour, very thick, full bodied and with a long lingering aftertaste - it doesn't mess around, it's almost arrogant in its delivery, and relishes the opportunity to stamp its authority. But here's the thing - I don't like my pale's being overly fruity. To me, this relegates them immediately to merely an appetiser or dessert brew, since it's impossible to sit there and drink more than a couple in a sitting. It amazes me that Little Creatures Pale Ale (WA) is held in high regard for this very reason and can only assume that despite the fact I smoke a bajillion cigarettes, I have more than just a semblance of a palette that excels far above any Little Creatures binge drinker. And this also has nothing to do with not being able to handle having my face "blown off", it's just that perfectly balanced flavours have a far greater impact - not those that heavily favour the sweet side.

Duvel (Belgium)
Meaning Devil, it's no surprise that this is such a popular import. The most interesting thing about this beer is how overpowering the smell is - like taking a deep breath in a fruit-filled orchid during the spring while possums dance in the light and butterflies flutter and birds sing and you get the idea - but the taste being somewhat more restrained in comparison to the aroma. Now don't get the wrong idea here, the full-bodied flavour is most definitely a major characteristic but I'm saying that its smell is somewhat misleading in regards to the taste. That's sort of essential to its appeal too, because it holds back from being entirely decadent, allowing the possibility of being able to enjoy it on a regular basis. It still leans towards the heavier side of the spectrum so you just need to be watchful of the impact. Like the time I attempted to drink an entire case of Hoegaarden Witbier (Belgium) and didn't see the proverbial steam train smash me in the face.

Timothy Taylor's Landlord Strong Pale Ale (UK)
With the kids gone, now we can have a serious talk about head-blowing properties. Without a doubt, this pale ale is the best I've come across to date. Yes, it outranks Duvel, and that's a massive ask of any beer. It's the perfect balance of flavour, smell and colour that allows this beer to rise above the pack. Liquid gold with equal parts fruit and bitterness - a smooth texture from a well-balanced brew that rolls straight down the middle of the battle between light and full bodied. You know that they must drink this stuff in heaven, or hell, or whichever one you believe is the actual heaven.

Unfortunately, here is where my memory fails me. Remember the time I took a home beer making course and forgot how to drive? Yeah, a little like that. Being the first blog, I've used a photo from a selection of beer that was sampled a good six months or so ago as opposed to the most recent, which I'll get to in the coming days. And when you try six new beers fairly quickly in one sitting, the fifth and six become a bit of a blur. I remember both the Marsdon's Old Empire India Pale Ale (UK) and the Ambar 1900 Pale Ale (Spain) being high-quality drops that were pleasing even after the overload of goodness from the Duvel and Landlord (what am I saying, I could have been drinking the beer spilt into the ashtray at that point and it would have been pleasing), but I haven't sampled them since. I was particularly impressed with the Old Empire, but I'll have to write about that sometime in the future.