Short break

Well the last time it took me over 2 weeks to post, the blog went on brief hiatus, and that's what's happening again now.

Last time it was due to an overwhelming cider addiction that took a good 4 months or so to get out of my system. This time it's something far more gay... I'm shedding my winter coat. And with winter coat shed comes carb cutting time and what's the one thing that just SLAUGHTERS you when it comes to expanding a gut? Oh yeah, beer. Of course the one thing I derive an amazing amount of pleasure from was going to be bad for me, it always is.

But, just like last time, that doesn't mean this little phase will last long. It just is what it is right now. Here I am, sucking on vodka, soda and lime every day, missing all my delicious wheat beers and pales, while you bastards enjoy them in front of me. Well I'll be back in the game soon again, my friends, don't you worry about that.

Did I mention I'm going to a microbrew fest next week?

Call me a fucking pussy or whatever you want, but I have been and am currently on a no-beer diet. Hey man, every now and then, you do look down at that beer gut and the pride you feel 99% of the time about it just isn't there. And by isn't there, I mean the pride, not the gut. The gut is ALL there. And I have spent years working on my beer gut, it's not something I take lightly. Also it's not that I'm not drinking, it's just not carb-overloaded beer. But don't worry, come microbrew tasting time next week, I'll be back in the game. Call it a situational crisis beer detox.

The one thing I do want to talk about ahead of a report on the microbrew fest - October 20, motherfucker! - is the Endeavour samples I got sent. New microbrewery based in NSW producing two products - a Pale and an Amber. Now note, any positive comments I have to say about these brews I say without any bias which is difficult when you get beer samples delivered to your door... shit man, if Cooper's sent me Pale ale through the mail I'm sure I could be turned back... well, maybe... well probably not. But there would be drinking involved.

So yes, I'm happy to report that both the Pale and Amber were fucking delicious. Both super smooth - the pale more about the honey, the amber more about the banana. But both with a great balance of flavours and just exceptional all round. I like my smooth ales and these both put a giant tick in that particular box. The only criticism is that they need different labels to distinguish between the pale and the amber. Drunk folk wouldn't be able to tell the difference - I confused a bayonet and screw light globe the other day, ended up with the wrong one, very upsetting. Aside from that, can't recommend this brewery highly enough, good work folks - more about them here - www.endeavourbeer.com

So the next blog will be later next week post-microbrew fest times, and the balls of a hangover I'll no doubt be suffering.

Enough with the freakin' wheat beers already? Nah.

Not long ago I was virtually a spokesperson for Cooper's Pale Ale (SA) - these days the thought of it and that all too familiar sediment makes me die a little inside. Particularly when walking into a pub and seeing no other options - though I can deal with it (to a point) if it's on tap, especially if I've been drinking (a lot) beforehand (did I mention a lot?).

To go from that to being so full on and passionate at present with (mostly Belgian and German) wheat beers is kinda strange, since the difference between that incredibly average pale and a rich, smooth wheat beer are worlds apart. But that's what's called growing up apparently... or some cliched crap like that.

So a rundown of some great wheat beers tried of late, and one atrocity;

Franziskaner Hefe-Weisse Dunkel (GER) - I bought this from Dan Murphy's which is a bit of a ballsy move since, aside from your obvious Chimay and Duvel brands, the Dan Murphy's selection is generally rarely any good. You wouldn't expect anything less given their imported beer selection contains some absolutely horrible stuff. I'm sorry, Stella Artois fans, but what the fuck. Stella Artois is a disgrace, an embarrassment to the greatness in beer that Belgium has to offer. Most popular Belgian beer? Get fucked. We all know popularity and quality are rarely used in the same sentence. Anyway, I really liked the way they brought out the banana flavour in this. It was present but without being over-powering - perfect. Whereas tasting banana and then bitter hops is just wrong in my opinion. Which is where....

3 Ravens Rye (VIC) fails. Here, they take their bland White product, kick up the banana and bitterness, and create a variation of their original product which is certainly more interesting but not any more pleasant. 3 Ravens need to stay the hell away from any more wheat beer attempts - 2 from 2 fails. I'm sick of hating on them when I had so much love to give not long ago.

Weihenstephaner Vitus and Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbeir Dunkel (Belgium) - OH HELL DAMN MOTHER FUCKING YES...... TESTIFY! Weihenstephan, you have roped me in even after that very average initial meeting with the Hefe. Now I believe in you.

The Edelweiss Weissbier (GER) in the above image will be tried this week.

Oh yeah and the La Fin Du Monde (CAN) box lasted all of four seconds. Who am I kidding, it was never going to last for long. Shared with mates on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Melbourne last weekend. Whilst ridiculously drunk. But still enjoyed and appreciated thoroughly.

Next blog I'll talk about the Endeavour Brewery (NSW) samples I received last week. And I'm very happy to report that both the Pale and Amber were fucking great. But more soon.

PS. Forget to mention in that "one off" Bloody Mary post - use Holbrooks worcestershire over Lea & Perrins. Far better experience.

If there is to be a time when I'm not talking beer or cider or music (or my contempt for humanity)....

Bloody Mary's. Great in theory, executed poorly so often. I like to think that I'm pretty good at whipping up a tasty BM on the odd occasion. And by like to think I mean do think. And by do think I mean I'm fucking awesome.

So the basic ingredients are very straight forward. Obviously getting the balance is the challenge. The following will also aid you in your quest for a delicious home-grown Bloody Mary...

Rule #1 - The Tomato Juice MUST be Golden Circle. You need a thick rich tomato juice or it just ends up tasting like watery shit. The only thing better than Golden Circle Tomato Juice in making a Bloody Mary is Clamato (therefore making it a Bloody Caeser) - which is a mixture of clam and tomato juice, made in the US/Canada. Australians, you can get it from usafoods.com.au - you will thank me later.
Rule #2 - A splash of either Guinness or red wine (wine to be preferably dry, non-fruity and smooth so as not to fuck around with what you're trying to achieve) is a MUST. And it doesn't have to be fancy - I've used Yalumba Merlot / Cab Sab casks before.
Rule #3 - On top of your lemon and lime wedges, a teaspoon of the juice from the jar of Olives you'd be using knocks it up a notch.
Rule #4 - If you don't have Celery Salt, don't bother. Celery - yeah great, but not essential. Celery Salt - do not talk to me about Bloody Mary's without this.
Rule #5 - If someone asks you for a Virgin Mary, tell them to fuck off.

This was a one time post. Back to beer next week.

How do they expect me to get any work done?

I had a pretty intense White Rabbit White Ale (VIC) craving last night, so I went over to Harvest to have it satisfied. What was intended as a quick six-pack purchase turned into my most expensive beer purchasing venture yet. Really not helped by the new Weihenstephaner glass in stock for starters... but what ended up killing my wallet in the end was this:

Absolutely glorious.

Though given Unibroue's decision to no longer export its products from Canada, I am stuck with a terrible problem... do I enjoy this in all its delicious glory? Or do I keep it for awhile so that I can wake up every morning, walk into the kitchen and bask in its awesomeness? Or do I make sweet, sweet love to it?

Yeah I don't know, it's a hard call... but I'm fucking thrilled with this purchase, that's for sure.

Now as for reporting on the other three beers from the last batch, none were particularly spectacular. The Dieu Du Ciel Aphrodisiaque (CAN) stands out most, for being an excellent replica of irish coffee if it were a beer. But just like when Smiths crisps tried out those new flavours a few months ago, why eat a buttered popcorn flavoured chip when you can just eat some fucking buttered popcorn???

The Unibroue Chambly Noire (CAN) was a decent attempt at a dark ale, but really their La Fin Du Monde kills anything else they've made, while the Hargreaves Hill Pale Ale (VIC) was summed up before I even tasted it. I said to the Harvest dude that I'd heard a lot about it, he said "yeah... it's pretty good..." and then I felt a BUT coming on. So I prompted him, to which he said "nah... it's good" but just left it at that. That's exactly what it's like taste wise, good but not spectacular - but I feel this is definitely one that needs to be tried on tap, and that my opinion can be swayed. So if anyone spots this Pale on tap anywhere, let me know.

Rule #4 - Always give a brewery another chance. Also I am a better beer/cider critic than you.

Firstly, I've been following HeraldSunFood on Twitter. The chick editor is going on and on and on about how devastating it is that Artisan Cider is no longer being made. Artisan Cider = Mercury. God there are some fucking horrible food/drink critics out there. For someone with supposed "taste" to be devastated over one of the most shocking products ever made (by Fosters may I add and therefore one of the worst breweries of all time) is a friggin' joke. Someone needs to be fired asap.

/rant

Now... Breweries are like bands. They'll have some amazing stuff, absolutely brilliant, nailed perfectly, and then have a bunch of mediocre, bland crap scattered around the goodness. Like if someone told me to listen to a Bob Dylan record and I'd never done so, and then listened to one of the last five instead of one of his first five, I'd think he was pretty friggin average as opposed to a flat out genius. In beer terms, this has happened to me twice over the last week.

Weihenstephaner Kristall Weissbier (GER) - The Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier is the commonly known Weihenstephan product and I believe is the one that most folk go on about. You know what, it was so underwhelming when I tried it a couple of months ago that I dismissed Weihenstephan's entire product line. But really it wasn't Weihenstephan's fault - it was all those folks that had built the Hefe up to be something so much more than it actually is. The Kristall on the other hand is a freakin' marvelous wheat beer. Like the Hoegaarden Grand Cru but 10% less sweet. So rich, so delicious. God damn I love my wheat beers.

La Trappe Tripel (Netherlands) - The fifth of seven trappists I've tried, the only one created outside of Belgium, and a god damn delight. I wouldn't put it above the Rochefort or Chimay but I wouldn't expect the Netherlands to beat the Belgians when it comes to beer, particulaly trappists, anyway. BUT - as is the theme of this blog, while the Tripel is an absolute joy on the palette, there is absolutely nothing to the La Trappe Blond - it is a waste of space. Though while I blame everyone else for my Weihenstephan disapproval up to now, this one is probably my own fault. If you're going to drink a Trappist, you need to drink the strongest - they're all about the indulgence. Blonds really are just half arsed trappists when it comes down to it.

And for those needing a bit of schooling on the Blond, Dubbel, Tripel etc terms, they just refer to the alcoholic content, and in the exact order you think. Blond the weakest, Tripel the strongest.

Another blog tomorrow - I need to cover the last round of purchases. Oh and the 3 Ravens White (VIC) was disappointing sadly. Like they had a deadline for when the product had to be ready, got a third of the way there, and then got it out to the public. It is a third of what a good wheat beer should be. Promising start, and then falls flat. At least every other 3 Ravens product I've tried so far has been great, I can forgive them for one indiscretion.

More rad Victorian microbrews and trappists to try

These from old mate Harvest - no, I still haven't been to Slowbeer yet. Yes, I am a lazy cunt.

So one of these in particular is a beer that's been talked about around the traps a lot lately - Hargreaves Hill Pale Ale (VIC). Yet another great Victorian microbrewery in the Yarra Valley region. I'll let you know how it goes... I'm also excited about the 3 Ravens White (VIC) given how consistently great all the 3 Ravens products I've tried so far have been. And of course the Trappists to the right there.

Oh and yeah that is a bottle of pinot noir. I know this is the first time you've seen a non-beer/cider product in one of my photos and don't worry, I don't like wine that much, I'm not converting. But I did have a glass of pinot whilst smoking a cigar the other day (note: I don't smoke anymore, cigars don't count) and it made me feel like more of a wanker than usual and therefore awesome so I see no reason not to roll with that vibe on the odd occasion.

Death to Fosters

So it seems like Fosters Group (AUS) is in trouble, responsible for the complete abomination that is Fosters beer, self-proclaimed "Australian for beer". No wonder we're seen in such a poor light globally... what a fucking embarrassment. But not only do they churn out one of the worst beers known to man kind, did you know they're the ones behind Corona and Stella Artois too? What a disgusting corporation.

So it was with great pleasure that I read an article this morning talking about Fosters' wine branch being unsustainable, and speculation that the group may be bought out in the near future to save them from insolvency.

All I can say is... sometimes bashing out complete shit for the dummies of this world DOES backfire, and it couldn't happen to a better company.

It's coming

I'll have a post for you in a few days with recent beer purchases and what not.

However, in the meantime, you should check out Worthington White Shield IPA (UK). Old mate Slowbeer recommended this to me when I asked them for their best pale ale recommendations. They came back at me with the Timothy Taylor Landlord (UK) when talking in the subtle/delicate sense (as opposed to fruitier or more bitter types) which, as you know, still ranks in my top 3 of all time. Then they suggested checking out the Worthington, which is along the same lines. I love Slowbeer for life.

Silly Rabbit

It is an absolute travesty, blasphemy, a complete black mark on my being that I haven't visited Slowbeer yet. I mean honestly, I feel like a traitor to the cause the longer this goes on. However come Friday this will be rectified, though I may have to be dragged out of there with drool-drenched clothes, just a heads up. So expect Slowbeer related reporting early next week.

My memory is completely shithouse at the moment - notice how that happens every couple of months of blogging on Skittle Brau? Funny that. I've tried a couple of other Unibroue (CAN) and Dieu Du Ciel (CAN) blends since the last post - and as I said, they're both really intriguing breweries creating interesting blends that won't be to everyone's taste. Mostly because they're so full on, especially Dieu Du Ciel which is consistently 8-10% in content and always very rich in taste. But I'm loving it - it's a fucking treat on the palette that's for sure.

Last night I sunk back a few pints of White Rabbit Dark Ale (VIC) at The Gem on Wellington St, for anyone wondering where else you can find said rabbit on tap in Melbourne. And yes that means I have come around to the Dark (side) Ale, on tap at least. Good times.