If there is to be a time when I'm not talking beer or cider or music (or my contempt for humanity)....

Bloody Mary's. Great in theory, executed poorly so often. I like to think that I'm pretty good at whipping up a tasty BM on the odd occasion. And by like to think I mean do think. And by do think I mean I'm fucking awesome.

So the basic ingredients are very straight forward. Obviously getting the balance is the challenge. The following will also aid you in your quest for a delicious home-grown Bloody Mary...

Rule #1 - The Tomato Juice MUST be Golden Circle. You need a thick rich tomato juice or it just ends up tasting like watery shit. The only thing better than Golden Circle Tomato Juice in making a Bloody Mary is Clamato (therefore making it a Bloody Caeser) - which is a mixture of clam and tomato juice, made in the US/Canada. Australians, you can get it from usafoods.com.au - you will thank me later.
Rule #2 - A splash of either Guinness or red wine (wine to be preferably dry, non-fruity and smooth so as not to fuck around with what you're trying to achieve) is a MUST. And it doesn't have to be fancy - I've used Yalumba Merlot / Cab Sab casks before.
Rule #3 - On top of your lemon and lime wedges, a teaspoon of the juice from the jar of Olives you'd be using knocks it up a notch.
Rule #4 - If you don't have Celery Salt, don't bother. Celery - yeah great, but not essential. Celery Salt - do not talk to me about Bloody Mary's without this.
Rule #5 - If someone asks you for a Virgin Mary, tell them to fuck off.

This was a one time post. Back to beer next week.

How do they expect me to get any work done?

I had a pretty intense White Rabbit White Ale (VIC) craving last night, so I went over to Harvest to have it satisfied. What was intended as a quick six-pack purchase turned into my most expensive beer purchasing venture yet. Really not helped by the new Weihenstephaner glass in stock for starters... but what ended up killing my wallet in the end was this:

Absolutely glorious.

Though given Unibroue's decision to no longer export its products from Canada, I am stuck with a terrible problem... do I enjoy this in all its delicious glory? Or do I keep it for awhile so that I can wake up every morning, walk into the kitchen and bask in its awesomeness? Or do I make sweet, sweet love to it?

Yeah I don't know, it's a hard call... but I'm fucking thrilled with this purchase, that's for sure.

Now as for reporting on the other three beers from the last batch, none were particularly spectacular. The Dieu Du Ciel Aphrodisiaque (CAN) stands out most, for being an excellent replica of irish coffee if it were a beer. But just like when Smiths crisps tried out those new flavours a few months ago, why eat a buttered popcorn flavoured chip when you can just eat some fucking buttered popcorn???

The Unibroue Chambly Noire (CAN) was a decent attempt at a dark ale, but really their La Fin Du Monde kills anything else they've made, while the Hargreaves Hill Pale Ale (VIC) was summed up before I even tasted it. I said to the Harvest dude that I'd heard a lot about it, he said "yeah... it's pretty good..." and then I felt a BUT coming on. So I prompted him, to which he said "nah... it's good" but just left it at that. That's exactly what it's like taste wise, good but not spectacular - but I feel this is definitely one that needs to be tried on tap, and that my opinion can be swayed. So if anyone spots this Pale on tap anywhere, let me know.

Rule #4 - Always give a brewery another chance. Also I am a better beer/cider critic than you.

Firstly, I've been following HeraldSunFood on Twitter. The chick editor is going on and on and on about how devastating it is that Artisan Cider is no longer being made. Artisan Cider = Mercury. God there are some fucking horrible food/drink critics out there. For someone with supposed "taste" to be devastated over one of the most shocking products ever made (by Fosters may I add and therefore one of the worst breweries of all time) is a friggin' joke. Someone needs to be fired asap.

/rant

Now... Breweries are like bands. They'll have some amazing stuff, absolutely brilliant, nailed perfectly, and then have a bunch of mediocre, bland crap scattered around the goodness. Like if someone told me to listen to a Bob Dylan record and I'd never done so, and then listened to one of the last five instead of one of his first five, I'd think he was pretty friggin average as opposed to a flat out genius. In beer terms, this has happened to me twice over the last week.

Weihenstephaner Kristall Weissbier (GER) - The Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier is the commonly known Weihenstephan product and I believe is the one that most folk go on about. You know what, it was so underwhelming when I tried it a couple of months ago that I dismissed Weihenstephan's entire product line. But really it wasn't Weihenstephan's fault - it was all those folks that had built the Hefe up to be something so much more than it actually is. The Kristall on the other hand is a freakin' marvelous wheat beer. Like the Hoegaarden Grand Cru but 10% less sweet. So rich, so delicious. God damn I love my wheat beers.

La Trappe Tripel (Netherlands) - The fifth of seven trappists I've tried, the only one created outside of Belgium, and a god damn delight. I wouldn't put it above the Rochefort or Chimay but I wouldn't expect the Netherlands to beat the Belgians when it comes to beer, particulaly trappists, anyway. BUT - as is the theme of this blog, while the Tripel is an absolute joy on the palette, there is absolutely nothing to the La Trappe Blond - it is a waste of space. Though while I blame everyone else for my Weihenstephan disapproval up to now, this one is probably my own fault. If you're going to drink a Trappist, you need to drink the strongest - they're all about the indulgence. Blonds really are just half arsed trappists when it comes down to it.

And for those needing a bit of schooling on the Blond, Dubbel, Tripel etc terms, they just refer to the alcoholic content, and in the exact order you think. Blond the weakest, Tripel the strongest.

Another blog tomorrow - I need to cover the last round of purchases. Oh and the 3 Ravens White (VIC) was disappointing sadly. Like they had a deadline for when the product had to be ready, got a third of the way there, and then got it out to the public. It is a third of what a good wheat beer should be. Promising start, and then falls flat. At least every other 3 Ravens product I've tried so far has been great, I can forgive them for one indiscretion.

More rad Victorian microbrews and trappists to try

These from old mate Harvest - no, I still haven't been to Slowbeer yet. Yes, I am a lazy cunt.

So one of these in particular is a beer that's been talked about around the traps a lot lately - Hargreaves Hill Pale Ale (VIC). Yet another great Victorian microbrewery in the Yarra Valley region. I'll let you know how it goes... I'm also excited about the 3 Ravens White (VIC) given how consistently great all the 3 Ravens products I've tried so far have been. And of course the Trappists to the right there.

Oh and yeah that is a bottle of pinot noir. I know this is the first time you've seen a non-beer/cider product in one of my photos and don't worry, I don't like wine that much, I'm not converting. But I did have a glass of pinot whilst smoking a cigar the other day (note: I don't smoke anymore, cigars don't count) and it made me feel like more of a wanker than usual and therefore awesome so I see no reason not to roll with that vibe on the odd occasion.

Death to Fosters

So it seems like Fosters Group (AUS) is in trouble, responsible for the complete abomination that is Fosters beer, self-proclaimed "Australian for beer". No wonder we're seen in such a poor light globally... what a fucking embarrassment. But not only do they churn out one of the worst beers known to man kind, did you know they're the ones behind Corona and Stella Artois too? What a disgusting corporation.

So it was with great pleasure that I read an article this morning talking about Fosters' wine branch being unsustainable, and speculation that the group may be bought out in the near future to save them from insolvency.

All I can say is... sometimes bashing out complete shit for the dummies of this world DOES backfire, and it couldn't happen to a better company.

It's coming

I'll have a post for you in a few days with recent beer purchases and what not.

However, in the meantime, you should check out Worthington White Shield IPA (UK). Old mate Slowbeer recommended this to me when I asked them for their best pale ale recommendations. They came back at me with the Timothy Taylor Landlord (UK) when talking in the subtle/delicate sense (as opposed to fruitier or more bitter types) which, as you know, still ranks in my top 3 of all time. Then they suggested checking out the Worthington, which is along the same lines. I love Slowbeer for life.