Short break

Well the last time it took me over 2 weeks to post, the blog went on brief hiatus, and that's what's happening again now.

Last time it was due to an overwhelming cider addiction that took a good 4 months or so to get out of my system. This time it's something far more gay... I'm shedding my winter coat. And with winter coat shed comes carb cutting time and what's the one thing that just SLAUGHTERS you when it comes to expanding a gut? Oh yeah, beer. Of course the one thing I derive an amazing amount of pleasure from was going to be bad for me, it always is.

But, just like last time, that doesn't mean this little phase will last long. It just is what it is right now. Here I am, sucking on vodka, soda and lime every day, missing all my delicious wheat beers and pales, while you bastards enjoy them in front of me. Well I'll be back in the game soon again, my friends, don't you worry about that.

Did I mention I'm going to a microbrew fest next week?

Call me a fucking pussy or whatever you want, but I have been and am currently on a no-beer diet. Hey man, every now and then, you do look down at that beer gut and the pride you feel 99% of the time about it just isn't there. And by isn't there, I mean the pride, not the gut. The gut is ALL there. And I have spent years working on my beer gut, it's not something I take lightly. Also it's not that I'm not drinking, it's just not carb-overloaded beer. But don't worry, come microbrew tasting time next week, I'll be back in the game. Call it a situational crisis beer detox.

The one thing I do want to talk about ahead of a report on the microbrew fest - October 20, motherfucker! - is the Endeavour samples I got sent. New microbrewery based in NSW producing two products - a Pale and an Amber. Now note, any positive comments I have to say about these brews I say without any bias which is difficult when you get beer samples delivered to your door... shit man, if Cooper's sent me Pale ale through the mail I'm sure I could be turned back... well, maybe... well probably not. But there would be drinking involved.

So yes, I'm happy to report that both the Pale and Amber were fucking delicious. Both super smooth - the pale more about the honey, the amber more about the banana. But both with a great balance of flavours and just exceptional all round. I like my smooth ales and these both put a giant tick in that particular box. The only criticism is that they need different labels to distinguish between the pale and the amber. Drunk folk wouldn't be able to tell the difference - I confused a bayonet and screw light globe the other day, ended up with the wrong one, very upsetting. Aside from that, can't recommend this brewery highly enough, good work folks - more about them here - www.endeavourbeer.com

So the next blog will be later next week post-microbrew fest times, and the balls of a hangover I'll no doubt be suffering.

Enough with the freakin' wheat beers already? Nah.

Not long ago I was virtually a spokesperson for Cooper's Pale Ale (SA) - these days the thought of it and that all too familiar sediment makes me die a little inside. Particularly when walking into a pub and seeing no other options - though I can deal with it (to a point) if it's on tap, especially if I've been drinking (a lot) beforehand (did I mention a lot?).

To go from that to being so full on and passionate at present with (mostly Belgian and German) wheat beers is kinda strange, since the difference between that incredibly average pale and a rich, smooth wheat beer are worlds apart. But that's what's called growing up apparently... or some cliched crap like that.

So a rundown of some great wheat beers tried of late, and one atrocity;

Franziskaner Hefe-Weisse Dunkel (GER) - I bought this from Dan Murphy's which is a bit of a ballsy move since, aside from your obvious Chimay and Duvel brands, the Dan Murphy's selection is generally rarely any good. You wouldn't expect anything less given their imported beer selection contains some absolutely horrible stuff. I'm sorry, Stella Artois fans, but what the fuck. Stella Artois is a disgrace, an embarrassment to the greatness in beer that Belgium has to offer. Most popular Belgian beer? Get fucked. We all know popularity and quality are rarely used in the same sentence. Anyway, I really liked the way they brought out the banana flavour in this. It was present but without being over-powering - perfect. Whereas tasting banana and then bitter hops is just wrong in my opinion. Which is where....

3 Ravens Rye (VIC) fails. Here, they take their bland White product, kick up the banana and bitterness, and create a variation of their original product which is certainly more interesting but not any more pleasant. 3 Ravens need to stay the hell away from any more wheat beer attempts - 2 from 2 fails. I'm sick of hating on them when I had so much love to give not long ago.

Weihenstephaner Vitus and Weihenstephaner Hefeweissbeir Dunkel (Belgium) - OH HELL DAMN MOTHER FUCKING YES...... TESTIFY! Weihenstephan, you have roped me in even after that very average initial meeting with the Hefe. Now I believe in you.

The Edelweiss Weissbier (GER) in the above image will be tried this week.

Oh yeah and the La Fin Du Monde (CAN) box lasted all of four seconds. Who am I kidding, it was never going to last for long. Shared with mates on a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Melbourne last weekend. Whilst ridiculously drunk. But still enjoyed and appreciated thoroughly.

Next blog I'll talk about the Endeavour Brewery (NSW) samples I received last week. And I'm very happy to report that both the Pale and Amber were fucking great. But more soon.

PS. Forget to mention in that "one off" Bloody Mary post - use Holbrooks worcestershire over Lea & Perrins. Far better experience.

If there is to be a time when I'm not talking beer or cider or music (or my contempt for humanity)....

Bloody Mary's. Great in theory, executed poorly so often. I like to think that I'm pretty good at whipping up a tasty BM on the odd occasion. And by like to think I mean do think. And by do think I mean I'm fucking awesome.

So the basic ingredients are very straight forward. Obviously getting the balance is the challenge. The following will also aid you in your quest for a delicious home-grown Bloody Mary...

Rule #1 - The Tomato Juice MUST be Golden Circle. You need a thick rich tomato juice or it just ends up tasting like watery shit. The only thing better than Golden Circle Tomato Juice in making a Bloody Mary is Clamato (therefore making it a Bloody Caeser) - which is a mixture of clam and tomato juice, made in the US/Canada. Australians, you can get it from usafoods.com.au - you will thank me later.
Rule #2 - A splash of either Guinness or red wine (wine to be preferably dry, non-fruity and smooth so as not to fuck around with what you're trying to achieve) is a MUST. And it doesn't have to be fancy - I've used Yalumba Merlot / Cab Sab casks before.
Rule #3 - On top of your lemon and lime wedges, a teaspoon of the juice from the jar of Olives you'd be using knocks it up a notch.
Rule #4 - If you don't have Celery Salt, don't bother. Celery - yeah great, but not essential. Celery Salt - do not talk to me about Bloody Mary's without this.
Rule #5 - If someone asks you for a Virgin Mary, tell them to fuck off.

This was a one time post. Back to beer next week.

How do they expect me to get any work done?

I had a pretty intense White Rabbit White Ale (VIC) craving last night, so I went over to Harvest to have it satisfied. What was intended as a quick six-pack purchase turned into my most expensive beer purchasing venture yet. Really not helped by the new Weihenstephaner glass in stock for starters... but what ended up killing my wallet in the end was this:

Absolutely glorious.

Though given Unibroue's decision to no longer export its products from Canada, I am stuck with a terrible problem... do I enjoy this in all its delicious glory? Or do I keep it for awhile so that I can wake up every morning, walk into the kitchen and bask in its awesomeness? Or do I make sweet, sweet love to it?

Yeah I don't know, it's a hard call... but I'm fucking thrilled with this purchase, that's for sure.

Now as for reporting on the other three beers from the last batch, none were particularly spectacular. The Dieu Du Ciel Aphrodisiaque (CAN) stands out most, for being an excellent replica of irish coffee if it were a beer. But just like when Smiths crisps tried out those new flavours a few months ago, why eat a buttered popcorn flavoured chip when you can just eat some fucking buttered popcorn???

The Unibroue Chambly Noire (CAN) was a decent attempt at a dark ale, but really their La Fin Du Monde kills anything else they've made, while the Hargreaves Hill Pale Ale (VIC) was summed up before I even tasted it. I said to the Harvest dude that I'd heard a lot about it, he said "yeah... it's pretty good..." and then I felt a BUT coming on. So I prompted him, to which he said "nah... it's good" but just left it at that. That's exactly what it's like taste wise, good but not spectacular - but I feel this is definitely one that needs to be tried on tap, and that my opinion can be swayed. So if anyone spots this Pale on tap anywhere, let me know.

Rule #4 - Always give a brewery another chance. Also I am a better beer/cider critic than you.

Firstly, I've been following HeraldSunFood on Twitter. The chick editor is going on and on and on about how devastating it is that Artisan Cider is no longer being made. Artisan Cider = Mercury. God there are some fucking horrible food/drink critics out there. For someone with supposed "taste" to be devastated over one of the most shocking products ever made (by Fosters may I add and therefore one of the worst breweries of all time) is a friggin' joke. Someone needs to be fired asap.

/rant

Now... Breweries are like bands. They'll have some amazing stuff, absolutely brilliant, nailed perfectly, and then have a bunch of mediocre, bland crap scattered around the goodness. Like if someone told me to listen to a Bob Dylan record and I'd never done so, and then listened to one of the last five instead of one of his first five, I'd think he was pretty friggin average as opposed to a flat out genius. In beer terms, this has happened to me twice over the last week.

Weihenstephaner Kristall Weissbier (GER) - The Weihenstephaner Hefe Weissbier is the commonly known Weihenstephan product and I believe is the one that most folk go on about. You know what, it was so underwhelming when I tried it a couple of months ago that I dismissed Weihenstephan's entire product line. But really it wasn't Weihenstephan's fault - it was all those folks that had built the Hefe up to be something so much more than it actually is. The Kristall on the other hand is a freakin' marvelous wheat beer. Like the Hoegaarden Grand Cru but 10% less sweet. So rich, so delicious. God damn I love my wheat beers.

La Trappe Tripel (Netherlands) - The fifth of seven trappists I've tried, the only one created outside of Belgium, and a god damn delight. I wouldn't put it above the Rochefort or Chimay but I wouldn't expect the Netherlands to beat the Belgians when it comes to beer, particulaly trappists, anyway. BUT - as is the theme of this blog, while the Tripel is an absolute joy on the palette, there is absolutely nothing to the La Trappe Blond - it is a waste of space. Though while I blame everyone else for my Weihenstephan disapproval up to now, this one is probably my own fault. If you're going to drink a Trappist, you need to drink the strongest - they're all about the indulgence. Blonds really are just half arsed trappists when it comes down to it.

And for those needing a bit of schooling on the Blond, Dubbel, Tripel etc terms, they just refer to the alcoholic content, and in the exact order you think. Blond the weakest, Tripel the strongest.

Another blog tomorrow - I need to cover the last round of purchases. Oh and the 3 Ravens White (VIC) was disappointing sadly. Like they had a deadline for when the product had to be ready, got a third of the way there, and then got it out to the public. It is a third of what a good wheat beer should be. Promising start, and then falls flat. At least every other 3 Ravens product I've tried so far has been great, I can forgive them for one indiscretion.

More rad Victorian microbrews and trappists to try

These from old mate Harvest - no, I still haven't been to Slowbeer yet. Yes, I am a lazy cunt.

So one of these in particular is a beer that's been talked about around the traps a lot lately - Hargreaves Hill Pale Ale (VIC). Yet another great Victorian microbrewery in the Yarra Valley region. I'll let you know how it goes... I'm also excited about the 3 Ravens White (VIC) given how consistently great all the 3 Ravens products I've tried so far have been. And of course the Trappists to the right there.

Oh and yeah that is a bottle of pinot noir. I know this is the first time you've seen a non-beer/cider product in one of my photos and don't worry, I don't like wine that much, I'm not converting. But I did have a glass of pinot whilst smoking a cigar the other day (note: I don't smoke anymore, cigars don't count) and it made me feel like more of a wanker than usual and therefore awesome so I see no reason not to roll with that vibe on the odd occasion.

Death to Fosters

So it seems like Fosters Group (AUS) is in trouble, responsible for the complete abomination that is Fosters beer, self-proclaimed "Australian for beer". No wonder we're seen in such a poor light globally... what a fucking embarrassment. But not only do they churn out one of the worst beers known to man kind, did you know they're the ones behind Corona and Stella Artois too? What a disgusting corporation.

So it was with great pleasure that I read an article this morning talking about Fosters' wine branch being unsustainable, and speculation that the group may be bought out in the near future to save them from insolvency.

All I can say is... sometimes bashing out complete shit for the dummies of this world DOES backfire, and it couldn't happen to a better company.

It's coming

I'll have a post for you in a few days with recent beer purchases and what not.

However, in the meantime, you should check out Worthington White Shield IPA (UK). Old mate Slowbeer recommended this to me when I asked them for their best pale ale recommendations. They came back at me with the Timothy Taylor Landlord (UK) when talking in the subtle/delicate sense (as opposed to fruitier or more bitter types) which, as you know, still ranks in my top 3 of all time. Then they suggested checking out the Worthington, which is along the same lines. I love Slowbeer for life.

Silly Rabbit

It is an absolute travesty, blasphemy, a complete black mark on my being that I haven't visited Slowbeer yet. I mean honestly, I feel like a traitor to the cause the longer this goes on. However come Friday this will be rectified, though I may have to be dragged out of there with drool-drenched clothes, just a heads up. So expect Slowbeer related reporting early next week.

My memory is completely shithouse at the moment - notice how that happens every couple of months of blogging on Skittle Brau? Funny that. I've tried a couple of other Unibroue (CAN) and Dieu Du Ciel (CAN) blends since the last post - and as I said, they're both really intriguing breweries creating interesting blends that won't be to everyone's taste. Mostly because they're so full on, especially Dieu Du Ciel which is consistently 8-10% in content and always very rich in taste. But I'm loving it - it's a fucking treat on the palette that's for sure.

Last night I sunk back a few pints of White Rabbit Dark Ale (VIC) at The Gem on Wellington St, for anyone wondering where else you can find said rabbit on tap in Melbourne. And yes that means I have come around to the Dark (side) Ale, on tap at least. Good times.

Chasing the rabbit

I must have misunderstood all the "Mr. Rabbit" conversation dominating the past week because come Saturday just gone instead of voting in the election, I went to the White Rabbit Brewery (Healesville, VIC).

I got to have a quick look at the brewery itself and see the production in action, and then across the road was Giant Steps / Innocent Bystander winery where they served food and White Rabbit on tap. And holy shitballs Batman, White Rabbit White Ale on tap is absolutely delicious. That's a no brainer though, considering how much I like the bottled product. I probably should have also given the Dark Ale a chance too seeing as how it never convinced me bottled-wise, but I was blinded by the White Ale and the fact that you could order as many Oysters as you liked at $3.50 each. So I ordered one, much to the confusion of the staff. Yes, cheekiness, plus I'd been drinking all day. But it was ONE damn fine oyster, as was the food in general too.

Anyway, White Rabbit on tap... if you haven't tried it yet or seen it around, you should be able to get it at any Little Creatures brewery/hall (they own some/all of it). Melbourne folk - apparently the Local Taphouse did secure some kegs too but they're probably gone now, so you can only grab it at the Little Creatures Dining Hall on Brunswick St at present.

Oh yeah, I drove through Coldstream as well, and therefore passed the Coldstream Brewery but, well... who cares.

Good stuff

Several great beers and ciders have been tried over the past few days so kicking off with the best...

- Unibroue La Fin Du Monde (CAN) - They say this golden ale is similar to the Triple Karmeliet when comparing it to other triple fermented beers, though when it comes to taste it reminds me a lot of Delirium Tremens (Belgium). If you don't know much about this particular beer, it's pretty much one that is raved about worldwide, has topped a number of beer lists and won competitions around the globe. It's also named after a medical condition related to alcohol withdrawal, and is packaged in a white bottle with a blue wrapping featuring a pink elephant. All of this is fucking hilarious - the beer itself is pretty full on, at 9% and with an overpowering hit of vanilla. Personally I think it's too over the top, which is where the La Fin Du Monde comes in - working with the flavours of the Delirium Tremens but presenting them in a much more subtle manner. Really delicious brew - though be aware that Unibroue no longer export from Canada as the demand is outgrowing the supply and the brewery is not in a position to expand its operation at this time. So if you see anything from Unibroue floating around, grab it and try it before you can't any longer. Though you'll be ok for awhile, since the word about Unibroue no longer exporting went out a year ago and their beers are still pretty easy to find. Try and get any of their seasonal products before you hit up the La Fin Du Monde and others that are produced year round, since obviously the seasonal ones will be the first to become extinct - or just put all your money on the table and buy anything with a Unibroue label because seriously, this brewery is sensational - they're doing some really interesting things, getting involved with some interesting & complex mixtures (I just tried an ale fused with apple and coriander) and executing them so well. I'll be talking more about Unibroue in the future. Check out their website in the meantime - www.unibroue.com - how fucking inspiring is that shit! (photo above is taken from the Ale section).

- Blanche De Namur (Belgium) - This won the best wheat beer in the world in some competition I can't remember (it's on the label) and you can see why but for me, it lacks excitement. It's a super smooth wheat beer, good balance of fruity flavour and smell. It does the job, but I don't feel like it satisfies all aspects of the palette completely. Yes, I am a wanker.

- 3 Ravens The Ravenator Bock (VIC) - just another quality product from a seriously great Australian microbrewery. I can't believe I've only stumbled across them recently. Ok, so I don't know enough to know exactly what a Bock is without some research (talk to me about Pale Ales and I'm all over that shit) but apparently this beer is lighter than the name suggests it should be... blah blah blah whatever (see, not such a wanker sometimes). It's fucking great, that's all you need to know.

- Kingston Press Dry Apple (UK) from the Aston Manor brewery is a crisp, light cider lacking in sweetness, with a flavour that decays rapidly. Meaning it's ridiculously easy to drink, which is a good thing or a bad thing depending on the circumstance. In complete contrast to this...

- Brasserie Dieu Du Ciel! Rigor Mortis Abbey-style Brown Ale (CAN) - I had to google the name of this beer and look at it about 5 times before I spelt it properly. With such an extravagant name, you know you're in for something pretty full on, and this Brown Ale delivers. 10.5%, so you can never drink more than one, and very slowly might I add... tasting like very rich dark chocolate. Sweet beginning, bitter ending. So this literally would be amazing with some dark chocolate and if you were in a completely decadent headspace, but just like any extravagant dessert, you really can only have this once in awhile.

Sock vs Rekorderlig pt 2, why Harvest is awesome pt 2

I've just done my weekly shop and it was one of my most pleasant bottleshop experiences yet. Now I know I still need to report on the good purchases from last week but I'll get to that later this week. What makes a great shopping experience for me is a) when the sales person knows their shit, b) when they can take a bit of time out to have a good bitch/whinge with you, and c) when they chuck in some free shit because they acknowledge you are passionate about your purchase/their store.

I've been recommended some quality beers from Harvest this week, mostly from Canada which is a nice change from my usual Belgium obsession. The owner dude gave me a free Monteith's glass too, and just as I was ready to go, I commented on wanting a good cider recommendation. In the process, we spent a good minute discussing how fucking gross Rekorderlig (SWE) is and being completely baffled as to how anyone can drink anything like that on a regular basis given how ridiculously over-the-top sweet it is.

Did I mention I love Harvest and hate Rekorderlig with a passion? Beer reporting shortly. The space below this line is to heighten the crapness of the product in the image.

3 Raving

3 Ravens (VIC) is my new favourite brewery. Just came back from the Northcote Social Club where they had both the 3 Ravens Golden Ale and the 3 Ravens Dark Smoke Beer bottled. The Golden is wonderfully crisp, and with the Dark Smoke, they really don't fuck around. It was a great accompaniment to the 350gm porterhouse I got stuck into for lunch, though would have been sensational with some BBQ pork ribs. When they say smokey beer, they really mean smokey beer, so the meatiness of it would be off-putting to your non-carnivores (vegetarians I think they call them, or some ridiculous name - either way, as the saying goes, you don't win friends with salad), but I love my meat, so it was a great surprise. Would be amazing with jerky too.

Obvious do's and don'ts and why Australian microbreweries mostly kick arse

So I've tried half of the purchases from last week. I have to admit, they've been hard to get through, mainly because I purposely tried the ones I thought would be the weakest - unfortunately they've been quite terrible to the point that the desire to drink died as soon as I had a taste.

Rules for the future;

1. Never buy beer/cider with "banana" in the title, no matter how curious you are. Apple, yes. Pear, yes. Banana, run for the fucking hills.
2. Never buy beer with a Japanese owl cartoon on the label.
3. Never continue to drink a beer that makes your tongue tingle (that would be offender #5 from the left in the photo)
4. Always give a brewery a second chance (except Pepperjack - stick to your fucking wine).

And by the fourth rule, specifically I'm talking about White Rabbit (VIC). I didn't like their dark ale, I thought it was pretty standard as far as dark ales go, which I don't find to be a very exciting brew to begin with. However, they've released White Rabbit White Ale (VIC) that steps up their game. Think the immediate bite and flavour of Hoegaarden (Belgium) but without the lingering fruitiness. This one is a lot drier at the end which is pleasing news for folks that hated the second half of the Hoegaarden experience. Damn impressive, well done White Rabbit.

Also, 3 Ravens (VIC) - YES. Now this brewery excites me. Fortunate enough that the Napier has 3 Ravens Golden Ale (VIC) on tap which was an absolute pleasure to drink the other night, and I do have the limited edition 3 Ravens The Ravenator Bock (VIC) sitting in my fridge which I'll report on next week. More 3 Ravens will be sourced, and I am further pleased by the brewery being based in Thornbury. May just have to pay them a little visit.

Oh and note my new Leffe (Belgium) glass in the picture. My aim is one new glass a week, I saw some Young's and Monteith's glasses in Harvest alongside this one, though pity Monteith's make such diluted products. Someone tried telling me Monteith's Crushed Apple Cider (NZ) was one of the best ciders on the market and I wanted to kick them in the head but I figured they needed as many braincells still working as possible.

The new Acland Cellars

Now before anyone goes jumping to any wild conclusions, I need to bash out a disclaimer. Acland Cellars is without a doubt my favourite boutique bottleshop of all time. The beer wall as soon as you enter the store is the most magnificent thing I've ever seen, and this is including the time I got to climb the Leaning Tower of Pisa as a 6 year old kid. Though for some reason wasn't allowed to climb the Eiffel Tower, which is safer since it's not so, you know, lean-y and falling over and shit.

Anyhoo... since moving to Northcote, trips to St Kilda to fulfill my imported beer desires has been nothing short of a pain in the hole. So much so that I haven't even bothered to try. C'mon, we're talking at least a 30 minute trek there and that's assuming no traffic, but usually the times I want to go are on the weekend when I have to figure out a way that bypasses the MCG before/after a footy game when traffic is complete bollocks. Too much effort.

So you can imagine my delight stumbling across a smaller boutique bottleshop in Northcote that not only supplies a great range of imported beer but changes their supplies on a regular basis to keep from going stale AND has some highly sort after beer glasses available for purchase. They also had this crazy $80 Absinthe fountain. I can't even begin to explain what it looked like but it was the perfect device for any Absinthe fanatic.

Oh and I forgot to mention the most important part of this whole thing... literally 2 minutes drive from my house. Parallel to it but a couple of blocks over. It was meant to be.

Harvest Wine & Liquor - you are too awesome. I bought 8 new beers to try yesterday, will be posting about them shortly.

Beerwagon

So my stocks are not replenished as yet. I forgot about my day job when I jumped the gun on having Skittle Brau revived (note I spelt it wrong in the comeback post too... for shame). However, now that the day job is quieting down, a trip to St Kilda is imminent... and man, it'll be fucking sweet.

In the meantime, I stumbled across this today.
http://beerbureau.com/enjoy-craft-brewed-beer-on-tap-at-home

PS.2 Brothers Gypsy Pear Cider (AUS) is really good - refreshing, crisp, subtle, lacking in sweetness (that's a great thing since ciders by default are meant to be sweet to a point). It's up there with Magners, but is just edged out probably due to my fierce loyalty.

What The Hipsters Drink

Rekorderlig Pear Cider (SWE) is what I've been told, which I ended up trying tonight. 20 tablespoons of sugar mixed with carbonated water and this is what hipsters are raving about? I thought they were all about dilution, so this is a bit of a conundrum. But let me just say now... this cider is fucking awful. Way too sweet, and without being able to get away with the novelty of their Strawberry and Lime cider, which isn't a cider with longevity anyway. It's everything that the Magners Pear Cider (IRE) isn't. What did I say before about people regressing into childhood? This is SWEETER than the most intense blend of cordial you conjured up as a kid.

Now as long as the hipsters stay away from old mate Magners, I'm happy. Let Rekorderlig release their psychedelic Summer sunshine blend with apple, pear, grape, ginger and a fucking rainbow and "the kids" can rave about that, but leave Magners alone, k?

Sobriety is over... well not really sobriety or love but I was never contractually obliged to sleep with foreign businessmen, and that is something.

Yes. It's been just over 3 months and Skittlebraus has been revived. Or rather getting back on the wagon. Wait... off the wagon. Something to do with alcohol. And back by popular demand, and when I say popular demand I mean three people.

So just like the world today but in a far less ADD, consumerist hungry manner, I had left my imported beer love for a pear cider and CC & dry dalliance. By the way, the pear cider consumed was a hefty amount of;

- Magners Pear Cider (IRE) - I wonder if the Magners dudes are still monitoring this blog and will post another random comment about how great Magners is, they really should employ me as a spokesperson.
- Bulmers Pear Cider (UK) - well, Pear Cider is the new black in Australia don't you know.
- as well as (and I have my best mate to thank greatly here), the Bulmers Summer Blend Apple/Pear Cider (UK), a limited edition not available in Australia... fucking Australia. Unfortunately a little flat after the journey in plane luggage from the UK to AUS but still very refreshing.
- Plus Rekorderlig Strawberry And Lime Cider (SWE) - fucking nice, but too sweet to enjoy regularly. Stumbled across this when the hot waitress at Yellowbird started talking to me about cider and putting a wedge of lime in Magners (apple not pear) to enhance the flavour. If that's not a pick up lime, I don't know what is.

Speaking of Magners/Bulmers, I thoroughly enjoying schooling the Liquorland bottleshop dude about the history and difference between those two a week ago. I probably would have gotten more satisfaction if I was at a boutique imported beer/cider supplier rather than the Walmart of alcohol. There you go, I used a US reference - this blog is diversifying. Oh yeah, and then over at Dan Murphy's, the dude recommended the Wychwood Green Goblin Oak Aged Cider (UK) which I've mentioned before as something I wanted to try, and it was fucking horrendous. At least Wychwood make good ales.

So we have Liquorland dudes with a lack of history, Dan Murphy's dudes with a lack of palette... should have known really.

Now back to the consumerism comment... people these days are all about becoming more and more like children. You know, in that way that a kid will play with a wicked toy, and then chuck it aside when the next toy comes along. It's the next bit of technology, the next band, the next thing to keep our ridiculous little minds stimulated. So thank god I have broken free of this, and have crawled back to my one true love. This weekend will be focused on re-stocking. Stay tuned.

Short break

'Scuse the absence of late - purely an inability to spend the coin required to report on beer properly. And you don't want to just hear about my adventures with half a carton of James Squire Golden and a couple of pints of Bulmers on Saturday just gone, ending up with somehow sitting at a dining table while fifty 21 year olds wearing white clothing are running around a house listening to Beyonce and I'm sitting back after 8 hours of drinking going "back in my day..."

Ok it does sound kinda interesting I admit. And I did end up trying Magners Pear Cider (Ireland) which was pretty smooth and helped with the head pain the next morning, but if I went into greater detail, I'd be like any other schmo on facebook who writes "fucking getting pisssssssedddd tonight hey"

So best to take a short break, and will be back soon.

Bloody drunk.

Hello. Yes, sorry, I said Wednesday didn't I? Well here's the first rule about trusting an alcoholic - never trust an alcoholic.

Easter turned out to be a little too festive for me and, surprisingly, a self-enforced detox of sorts has arisen over the past couple of days. And when I'm not drinking great beer, I can't write about great beer. This beer blog will be the death of me.

However, it's a new weekend, and considering I missed the Belgian Ale Showcase at the Taphouse which I'm kicking myself for, the wheels are in motion to make amends.

So, my friends, I'll be back in action properly come Monday. Trust me...

Easter report and a crisp lead-up

This blog will be out of action over the Easter weekend while I attempt to juggle a temporary funds shortage with a strong desire to set up camp at the Local Taphouse, after just receiving a text from them saying they've tapped their "April Belgian Ale Showcase". I mean, shit, that's worth ditching everything and driving there right now for. Actually, what I really wanted to say is it's like dangling donuts in front of a horizontally challenged individual but that's just not very PC now, is it?

So expect a very in-depth Easter report come Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday depending how much pain I'm in.

Until then, I'll leave you with Brains SA Gold Premium Ale (Wales). First Welsh beer I've tried actually, which is surprising (I'm part Welsh, y'see) and it does the job - a lovely crisp beer. Even pleasing to someone who's usually most interested in beers with creamier qualities. Tooheys needs to take lessons from Brains then they'd understand what "clean and crisp" is supposed to taste like.

See you on the other side of eating too much chocolate, drinking too much alcohol and doubling in size.

Spot the difference

Re; the drink to the left - You really do have to wonder about society sometimes. Well let's face it, all the time really.

Top six Melbourne bars (as of today)

Lambsgo bar (Fitzroy)
So my latest bar discovery. My housemate described it as having a "Mexican" vibe. A small bar, tucked away from the hustle and bustle and general crapness of Brunswick St bars. The best thing about it - a fridge stocked with 100ish imported beers, good lord, as you can see in the first image. The second image is the wall to the left of the bar - was very impressed to see the kind of beer posters they had up - and we were sitting in a comfortable dark position right in front. Lambsgo bar is then segmented into different rooms - the one where you enter has low tables and chairs to chill out, with a Galaga machine close by. Next room has a pool table, next room has dining table/chairs for the eating customers, next area is a smoking courtyard.

Small but with everything you need, more importantly dark, and most importantly they know their shit when it comes to beer - there's a friggin two page menu. They also have an old school bar tap and red telephone next to the bar. Brilliant.

The Standard (Fitzroy)
Aside from the Corner which I talk about below (and whose presence I can't help but let into my world on a daily basis) The Standard is the next pub I consistently find myself at. Now the trick here is to perfectly time your arrival to The Standard to ensure you get a beergarden table. I'm not revealing the trick, work it out yourself. You don't want to miss out on a beergarden table, it's worth fighting for. In fact the other day when we left the bar, I went up to a guy who had kindly asked me to let him know when we were leaving so he could pinch our seats, and passed the torch on. The look of relief and happiness on the guy's face was worth going alone. Well kinda.

So The Standard's other qualities - great food, a small but good imported beer selection, Bulmers on tap (UK not Irish, hehe) and they make the best bloody mary I've had in a bar in Australia. They use a splash of red wine and good tomato juice. Genius. Really, when you go to The Standard, you're investing at least a few hours there, if not one hell of an enjoyable afternoon/evening.

NOTE/HINT - The Standard don't use this I don't think, but I'm also a bloody mary fiend and make my own regularly - Golden Circle Tomato Juice and celery salt are the key.

Local Taphouse (St Kilda)
I've talked a lot about this place in previous blogs and given how long this blog is getting I'll let the goodness of what I've told you previously soak in further.

Napier Hotel (Fitzroy)
Tucked away between Brunswick St and Smith St. Part irish pub vibe, you really need to be up for a feed when you go here since it's really centred around the food, with the drinks almost being a side issue. But here's the thing - you will not believe the portion sizes you get at the Napier. I think we ordered an entree once that could barely be finished. Plus all the food I've tried there tastes amazing. The beergarden is ok (though the weakest of the beergardens mentioned here and I don't remember much music being played at a decent level either) but not inviting enough to really commit to a long afternoon of drinking.

The clientele is a bit rougher footy type for my liking then again, during AFL season, so is the next pub - that doesn't really detract from its likeable qualities though (in either case) as long as you time your drinking sessions correctly.

Corner Hotel (Richmond)
Now I'm going to be biased towards the Corner by default because I work in an office in the same building, with my desk being about 30 steps from the upstairs bar, but this really is a music institution in Melbourne, with touring bands disrupting my work on a not quite daily but feels too often basis. Sometimes I'm happy with the disruption if it's a great band, others - like many shall not be named Australian touring acts - are just plain annoying. If I drilled a hole straight into the floor from where I'm sitting, I'd land somewhere near the stage. Good to know.

Anyway, great bar staff, amazing food, and not only do they have a beergarden where you can regularly hear Old Crow Medicine Show, Dylan and the like, but they also have a downstairs bar area aside from the band room that has booths, a pool table and an old school arcade machine with Galaga, 1942, Space Invaders and all the greats. Just good vibes all round. The only thing lacking is a good beer selection but in this life, you gotta compromise and I'm very willing to do it given everything else the Corner offers. Plus Mountain Goat Hightail Ale (Richmond) tastes good on tap as long as you don't let it drop a degree in temperature i.e. drink quickly.

Great Britain Hotel (Richmond)
Terrible looking on the outside - in fact it's one of the first bars discovered in Melbourne by my housemate when we moved over here from Perth, but I never wanted to go in because it looks like a horrible blue collar bar from the sidewalk. How wrong I was. Now, as long as you never go there on a Friday or Saturday night when all the upturned collar fuckwits go to pick up short skirts (and try them on presumably) you'll be witness to a very chilled, dark, somewhat dirty folk/rock/blues vibe.

Couches inside, great decor and folk singer/songwriters every Sunday afternoon. Beergarden lacks sunshine in the winter which is difficult to deal with given how bone chilling the Melbourne winters can be, but they have wasabi peas available on their bar snack list, so I forgive them. Also don't ever try the "Piss" beer they have on tap - it tastes exactly as it sounds. Cider on tap is Pipsqueak - as mentioned previously is far more tolerable then in bottle form.

Oh and to dispel the legend - Bimbos is not a good place and don't ever mention it to me alongside any of these. The end.

Five recently tried brews to avoid

Anything from the Bridge Road brewery (VIC)
Firstly, there is no brewery on Bridge Road. Secondly, I was recommended this by a guy working at the Queen Victoria St markets on a Saturday afternoon who gave me a taste of some Rose that he said was awesome "and he doesn't even like Rose". Think sipping on red cordial after leaving it in a glass on your kitchen counter for 5 months. So I'm not sure why I even entertained the idea of trusting his opinion, but it was $5 badly spent. Also the label had BLING written on it, as you can see in the image...

However, despite that, it's not as bad as...

Pepperjack Ale (SA)
A winery owned by Fosters created a beer. Do I need to explain this any further? I had a couple of sips and poured the rest down the sink because it was so horrendous. No idea what I've done in a past life to have deserved this brutal assault on my taste buds. I think Pepperjack is quite possibly the worst beer I've ever tasted. Moving on...

Young's Old Special Ale (UK)
It's a damn shame because they nailed the stout, but are just slightly off when it comes to the special ale. It's missing the wonderful connection you're supposed to have between the creamy texture and the bitter hop finish. It needs to be consolidated because it does have the potential, the execution is just off. The will is strong but the skin is weak etc etc.

Tripel Karmeliet (Belgium)
Shocked that I've listed a high-end Belgian beer? Now I have to say, after the glowing recommendation from the bar woman at the Belgium Beer Cafe, I was really excited about finding this and trying it for the first time, mainly because she served me the Roquefort and Pauwel Kwak and both were brilliant. Unfortunately, the Tripel Karmeliet fails where something like the Hoegaarden Grand Cru succeeds. It's a brutally creamy brew, very sweet, but without the lingering bitterness, therefore leaving you with that constant feeling of having ingested too much sugar and the queasiness associated with it. Damn, and I was really after a beautiful relationship. Next time.

Monteith's Golden Lager (NZ)
New Zealand's answer to Corona. Now if I want to drink water, I'll just drink water, and in this case I'll put a few drops of pure ethanol in my water rather than spending money on something I can't even believe is being seriously marketed as a legitimate brew. It's no surprise the Golden Lager tastes as weak as their Cider, on the other hand though their Celtic Ale is decent. Inconsistent.

I had an amazing bar experience on Saturday, until the next blog.

Cider, cider everywhere so let's all have a drink

Four quick things...

1. After yesterday's blog, I received a text from the Local Taphouse of the two latest brews tapped - Little Creatures India Pale Ale (WA) and Napoleon & Co Cider (??). I can't find anything about it online, so expect a full report on your desk Monday morning after I sample it this weekend.

2. I work upstairs at the Corner Hotel in Melbourne and therefore use the toilet facilities used by patrons at the pub. I was just in there washing my hands and noticed a bottle on the sink. It was Mercury Dry Cider (TAS). I'm also incredibly hungover so nearly literally threw up at the sight, especially considering the Corner also sells Bulmers (UK). I'd like to find the person who left that bottle there and tear them to shreds.

3. Yes, there is a Bulmers (IRE) as well, but outside of Ireland it's called Magners Original Irish Cider (IRE). Without going into too much detail, Bulmers and Magners were friends once, then severed ties. Blah Blah copyright dispute blah blah blah. Also Strongbow (UK) is manufactured by Bulmers. The British one. And a few years ago they launched a variation called Strongbow Sirrus (UK) to compete with Magners. Which is called Bulmers in Ireland. All very confusing. Also Strongbow (UK) is what we get in Australia except we do a Sweet version and they don't. Funny how the one version we did ourselves tastes like crap. Oh and we produced the short lived Strongbow White (AUS) which from all reports also tasted like crap.

4. In reference to my hangover in point two, last night I had a little too much high-end beer, which is better than way too much low-end beer except when it comes to longevity. And the headache the next day is the same you'd get from drinking too many cocktails. See photo for reasons why I feel like arse today. 6.4%-9% brews. Christ.

Have a great weekend, send me beer photos.

PS. I've been told to create a flow chart on point 3. Maybe next blog.

In Cider and now I'm Out Of Cider

I realise I've made a terrible mistake with this whole beer tasting business. I got too excited, a little too keen, a little overzealous and now I've fucked myself.

Where do you go once you've sipped on something created by Belgian monks for gods sake? I should have built up to it, not jumped in straight away. You don't start at the bottom rung and leapfrog to the top in one go, there's small steps that need to be taken, that are important to be taken, important for the journey's sake.

So I'm going to take a breather from the beer for a moment, and quickly run you through the top 5ish general ciders worth noting. By general I mean the ones you're most likely to be served at an Australian pub, and by worth noting, I mean that they're not all necessarily good, and the ones that aren't good deserve to be belittled.

Bulmers (UK), Magners (IRE)
Finding Magners on tap in Australia is like looking for the Lost Ark, and to this day I don't actually think I've seen it anywhere on tap, which is a damn shame, because it ranks as one of the best ciders in the world. Good on the Irish, they're more than just a pretty stout. Luckily though, Bulmers - the UK version (rip off) of Magners - is appearing in more and more pubs as time goes by. I love Bulmers for the same reasons I like my favourites pales. A good balance of flavour, not too sweet or fruity, with a good colour and incredibly refreshing. It's also an amazing hangover cure.

Pipsqueak (WA)
Brewed by Little Creatures. I frequently have people telling me how great they think Pipsqueak tastes and I just don't see it myself. I'm guessing it's because the massive problem with Pipsqueak is only most noticeable in the bottled form - and it's the fact that it's over-carbonated. No good drinking a cider if you're going to have to belch every 3 seconds and have to take small sips because the bubbles are overpowering your tongue. Other than that, the taste is ok but it's pretty unspectacular.

Strongbow (UK), Three Oaks (SA)
Firstly, don't ever touch the Strongbow Sweet (thankfully only Australia fucked this one, the UK brewery does not produce a Sweet version). The primary danger of cider is being given one that actually tastes like apples - that's not what cider is meant to be about. It's like if a beer tasted like nothing but wheat and hops. The Dry and Draught versions are satisfactory, in that Pipsqueak kind of way, while the Three Oaks is a step below. In beer terms, this is hovering in that Heineken/Tooheys New kind of area.

Mercury (TAS)
This is quite possibly the most depressing cider known to man kind. It looks bland, it tastes like crap and it leaves you with an amazing hangover thanks to being loaded up with preservatives, just like all those low carb beers. Actually here I should point out that low carb beers should never be invested in to begin with. If you don't want to gain weight, don't drink any beer in the first place. Vodka has bugger all calories, drink that with soda. I tried drinking a mere 6 pack of that Boag's Blonde, and woke up not understanding why my brain felt detached from my head.

It actually makes me angry seeing people drinking Mercury, particularly at bars that are based around good quality product. I witnessed this at the Local Taphouse as I was sipping on my Timothy Taylor Pale. I mean for god's sake, go to Crown Casino at 3am if you want to indulge in scum scraped from the bottom of a barrel.

Monteith's Crushed Apple Cider (NZ)
The newbie cider. The problem here though is you know exactly what you're going to get from the moment you see it poured from a tap. A weak cider, weak in colour, weak in taste. I may as well be drinking diluted carbonated apple juice. This is the equivalent of drinking mid-strength beer, which is just as bad as drinking low-carb beer. For shame.

I did a bit of research on cider too - whilst this is a blind recommendation, if you're looking for something a bit finer, maybe check out the Wychwood Green Goblin Oak Aged Cider (UK). I've tried two Wychwood beers which were both pleasing and I think they would have the same quality control on their cider too. If it's bad, I apologise.

Depression

Forget what the dictionary says, the definition of depression is going to a restaurant you're really looking forward to eating at for the first time because the food is meant to be awesome, and then seeing the following beer menu...



When the most exciting beer on a menu is one that has "bio-grow certified" next to it, you know you may as well kill yourself right now. And no, it is not acceptable to just settle for Heineken.

Beer and cheese

I touched on this briefly in the Trappist blog. Yeah, I know - beer and cheese doesn't quite have the same kind of sophisticated ring that red wine and cheese does. In fact the mental image conjured for me is one of a massive pitcher of low quality beer and a massive bowl of nachos with fatty fat fat fat cheese melted on top, resembling the Blob if it was yellow and had a taste for corn chips instead of blood.

But for me, beer and cheese is a much more exciting combination of the two. Though I've never really been a wine drinker - I think Chardonnay is an abomination on the achievements of the human race, and the difference between a good and bad wine is that one doesn't taste like it wants to kill me by liquifying my internal organs. Actually another Black Books quote fits in nicely here - "No one is willing to admit that wine doesn't actually have a taste."

Anyway, so far there's been two beer and cheese combinations that have really struck me. The Chimay Blue Grand Reserve (Belgium) and Roquefort cheese (far right) in particular is a brilliant mutually beneficial partnership. Both being incredibly rich, smooth, creamy - it's like your palette is being fed liquid sensory enhancing drugs. This isn't a combination you can have as part of a late afternoon platter shared with friends though, this lends itself to you finding a completely isolated area, caressing a cigar in one hand, your Chimay in the other, the Roquefort laid out in front of you, some Coltrane playing in the background and taking a deep breath and enjoying the environment you've created, and when I say you've created, I mean you ARE fucking god. Yes, it is a combination of pretension and you should damn well enjoy it as such.

The James Squire Porter (NSW) coupled with Spanish San Simon cheese, on the other hand, is a lighter coupling - the Porter being a light, crisp beer and the San Simon resembling orange cheddar in appearance (I'm no good with cheese descriptions, sorry) with a light, complimentary taste. Something to enjoy on a Sunday afternoon with friends when you're hungover as shit and want to go some significant steps up from just a carton of VB, some Coles purchased Gouda and a box of Captain's Table water crackers.

Here's the problem - although I want to explore this further, in the two weekends of mixing two great loves together, I've put on a shitload of weight. Beer and cheese, while having the potential to blow your mind, will also turn you into a fat sack of crap.

Have a great weekend.

If you are reading this...

What the heck is wrong with you? It's St. Patrick's Day.

Rectify this situation immediately and go indulge in some quality Guinness at your local.

I'll speak to you tomorrow.

In anticipation of St. Patrick's Day, let's talk about unconvincing Dark Lager.

Well it's not quite a stout, and it's not quite a lager, but maaaan...

It's a Monday. It's not the time for pleasantries, and it's about time I wrote something negative about a brew in this blog. Ahh, dark lager - you have so much potential to be so much more but you'll never get there because you're too fascinated with playing the role of Switzerland and treading that shitty line down the middle of the road.

Now the name Köstritzer Schwarzbier (Germany) (the can in the photo below) had been popping up for me a bit recently. It's in my bible and it was recommended by the bar girl at the Local Taphouse so given I had a positive review from more than one reliable source, it was on the must have list. Acland Cellars never fails me, however they only had it in cans which was a little disappointing, though no more so than being denied that beautiful Kwak glass previously.

The Köstritzer is world famous - seemingly the most popular dark lager in the world. All I have to say is - whoever bothers to invest any time and effort into this type of beer is surely the same kind of human being that thinks having that extra piece of peppermint chocolate for dessert is "being deliciously naughty". The kind of person who defines decadence by staying up an hour later than usual. But I digress - Köstritzer is the best of the three or so I've tried recently, but it's the best of a really shitty bunch.

This Wednesday, if you happen to spot an individual with an upturned collar talking about how much he'd like to fuck that leggy blond that just walked by, drinking what looks like Guinness, it's more likely a dark lager. Now don't misunderstand me - any dark lager is still superior to, say, having to consume Tooheys Extra Dry, but at least TEDs doesn't pretend to be something it's not. Just because you have the sexy looking appeal of a stout doesn't mean you're anywhere near that league. You smell like nothing, you taste like nothing.

Also, if you're wondering why I don't blog on the weekends, I'm too busy being drunk or watching TV series' and movies in order to deal with being post-drunk. For some reason of late as well, I'm continually finding myself waking up with no pants. Clearly my drunk self likes being unrestricted and free.

Hoegaarden Grand Cru

Well this came out of nowhere. See I have this beer bible, it's an amazing reference point and I base a lot of the beers I try on it. The guy that wrote it is actually dead now, and I'm sure alcohol had nothing to do with it.

Anyway, it lists two different Hoegaarden's - the Witbier (Belgium) (original) and the special. So when I spotted the Grand Cru (not the special) I was very curious. The only time I've had Hoegaarden was after smashing a massive pasta meal many years ago and then trying to drink a whole carton by myself. Got to 8 then I don't know. Clearly back then I wasn't drinking to enjoy the taste.

But wow, the Hoegaarden Grand Cru (Belgium). 8.5% alcohol content, fantastic cloudy golden colouring, a lot of sediment. In terms of smell/taste, it's like the opposite of Duvel. It pours with very little aroma (despite what you may read elsewhere, it's all lies I'm telling you) but then hits you with a three stage flavour process. First the smooth richness rolling over your tongue, second the honey characteristic coming through as it heads towards the back of your throat, before leaving a lingering bitterness that offsets the sweetness of the honey, thus allowing for that next sip to be as interesting as the last without the sweetness ever becoming overpowering, and for the consumption of multiple glasses to occur (though bare in mind the high alcohol content, this could knock you about quite badly).

I have to say, if we forget about the aromatic aspect, this is one of the most perfectly balanced beers I've had to date. I know, I know - you can't just leave aroma at the door. But Hoegaarden is damn well doing something right with the arrogance they're displaying in basically neglecting a major element required for good taste but still producing a top-quality brew. Shooting to top 5 easily - maybe top 3 when I enjoy it at some occasion that has some sentimentality.

It's the bottle that's fourth from the left in the image above, I'll get to the others later.

Grand Cru - my god.

Beer Nerd

I just bought myself a proper Duvel glass. This is all very exciting. Now to understand the extent of my beer obsession, if either my housemate or my dogs break this glass, someone will die.

Samuel Smith - Imperial Stout and Tort

It's not necessarily that I've never been a fan of stout, it's just I've always had it in the wrong context. Like my first Guinness when I was in high school around the time I wore stone wash jeans and therefore clearly knew jack about anything. Or tried drinking it in that Solo "slam it down fast" manner when I was dying from dehydration. So we've never really been introduced under the best circumstances, and it's no wonder I haven't really been interested until now.

Christmas last year. Being an orphan in a new city, I made myself a massive ham and turkey lunch with all the frills since I was missing out on being lazy, being able to go to the house of a family member and have all the food put in front of me then pass out on the couch. Part of this meal revolved around some pre-packaged plum pudding. The only real way I could possibly make this taste like something a human could actually consume was a) smother it in custard and brandy or, b) find a matching beer.

So I went with Young's Double Chocolate Stout (UK). I'd been recommended this by a friend on Facebook (bless it) and it's commonly known that chocolate stout's are perfect as dessert beers. Now after I'd stuffed my stomach with good quality meat and salad, I turned my attention to the stout/pudding combination and it was certainly, to put it gently, fucking brilliant. HOWEVER - since this was my first stout matching experience (and that I'd drank a six pack of Hawthorn's Pale Ale (VIC) prior to dessert), I probably jumped the gun too soon on the praise. Since then, I've found something that far exceeds the pleasure of the Christmas decadence.

Back again to the Local Taphouse in St Kilda - After sampling their beer and matching cheese tasting platter, I couldn't resist looking at their dessert menu. The thing that caught my eye was the Samuel Smith's Imperial Stout (UK) Tort with cream. If you check out the photo above, the dessert is in the middle, with the bottle of the stout to the right. The girl behind the bar ran me through some options that could be complimentary, contrasting or cutting, one such option involved matching the dessert with a Kriek and therefore getting a Cherry Ripe effect, but I couldn't resist the actual perfect complimentary match, and went with the stout instead.

All you have to do here really is imagine the following - putting a piece of rich, dense chocolate tort covered in light-textured but full-flavoured cream in your mouth, then sipping on a rich stout, the very same stout that was infused with the tort in the first place, swishing it all around and swallowing it down, leaving that warm feeling in your belly you know can only come from the finer things. Now I don't know for what crazy message it was that followed, but after experiencing sunny warm weather all morning, the clouds suddenly rolled out and burst open with hail. This forced us out of the beergarden and back into the pub for another hour or so, being unable to leave because of the sheer power of the thunderstorm. I think that was someone/thing trying to keep us there and truly indulge in the experience.

Pauwel Kwak

I know, I know - more Belgium beer. But I have no problem gravitating towards the finest. Belgium has corrupted me to the point that I can't stand the thought of buying a carton of Cooper's Pale Ale (SA) anymore. This may not sound like a big deal, except for the fact I used to buy a carton a week and proclaimed Cooper's Pale Ale as the second coming of Jesus. It was the friend that was always there, teacher, mother, secret lover. Took great pleasure in the few times I found myself with time to kill at Adelaide Airport and was able to get in on tap from the source. And now I've abandoned it - sunrise, sunset, and all that.

The Pauwel Kwak (Belgium) has an (apparent) amazing history. I say apparent because this very well could be nothing more than brewery propaganda - even if it is, it's quite the story. Named after the guy who brewed it, legend goes that Pauwel Kwak was an innkeeper in Napoleon times who not only created this particular amber ale, but also the unique glass that it's best served in. The glass was apparently designed to be hung on a coach, as coachmen had to chill out with their horses rather than being allowed to drink at the Inn - you couldn't leave coaches and horses alone outside, the story goes.

Now here's the problem with having such a cool, sophisticated glass to go with the beer you're drinking - stupid footy bogans don't respect it. When I ordered the Kwak, the awfully-friendly bar chick apologised profusely about not being able to serve it in the proper manner. When your pub starts with 12 such glasses at the beginning of 2010, and are left with 3 only two months later, it's a fair call to put a blanket ban on the use of it. She realised I wasn't into the whole stealing or smashing vibe, but had her hands tied. Stupid fucking footy bogans ruining my fun. I did get a couple of coasters as consolation, special Kwak coasters that I shall put on my mantelpiece, along with many an empty bottle of beer, a novelty Duff beer can and a black Cooper's cap. Still not the fucking glass though.

So I was served it in an incorrect glass, which was fine, I'll take what I can get when my life experience is hampered by idiots. However, it seems like this call was complete sacrilege, as I was told that not ten minutes prior a group of Belgians had ordered the Kwak, were told it couldn't be served in its proper glass, and subsequently changed their order in a hurry. I apologise to the Belgians.

The Kwak pours with a massive head and stays true to its amber colour. Its strongest characteristic is the hint of banana in both aroma and taste. A very rich taste, might I add. I've read that there are traces of licorice that can be sensed, which I think is complete bullshit, and is merely one of those descriptions that people have run with when they couldn't put their finger on the complexity of the brew. Like when a journalist calls a band "new wave" and suddenly... BAM. You have the second coming of the movement, even if the description is misplaced and makes no sense. Remember that? Yeah, not fun times.

My housemate made a great call on the way to trying out this beer. Paraphrasing here, but something like "You realise you've just started a beer blog. In order to write a beer blog, you need to drink more beer, which means you'll inevitably be less good at writing". The less good part was a complete pisstake, then again, I find myself leaving you with the following;

The description in the photo above says "nougat like solidity, hints of liquorice passing into a warm finish that reminds you of caramelised banana".

I say - this beer is awesome, indulge in it and love it.

Trappist Beer

Ok, this shit is fucking insane. For those not familiar with Trappist beers, basically there's only 7 breweries in the world that are allowed to stamp their bottles with the 'Authenic Trappist' brew logo. 6 of them exist in Belgium, 1 in the Netherlands. Trappist beers have the characteristic of being brewed by Trappist monks. Wikipedia "Trappist" if you want to know more about what the vibe of the monks is. This all reminds me of that episode of Black Books with the holy grapes that grew in the rose bush. You know, the one with the expensive wine and the magic pencils and the painting of the cow.

Now - here's the thing about Trappist beers. They are intense flavour wise. While you may be very familiar with the Chimay brew (of which the Chimay Blue Grand Reserve (Belgium) goes exceptionally well with a nice soft Roquefort cheese, that's mind blowing stuff right there) it isn't necessarily the best Trappist. Kinda like how Stella is the highest selling Belgium beer and is rubbish compared to all other beers Belgium has to offer but everyone knows what Stella is. Aside from the Stella violation against mankind (then again, who is Australia to talk when we came up with Fosters?), basically Belgium (and Seattle, USA) lead the way. I know, Seattle, didn't see that one coming, eh?

So, the Rochefort Trappist (Belgium). It comes in the 6, 8 and 10 options, which vary in colour, flavour and alcohol content. I wasn't quite game enough to try the 10 on first go, which the helpful bar girl at the Belgium Beer Cafe on St Kilda Road commended me on, saying it was best to start with the 8 so that my "face wouldn't be blown off". What is it with bar staff and use of that metaphor?

So I got the 8 - which is still 9% in alcohol content. Now let me tell you - this beer is sensational. Full-bodied, with a hint of chocolate aroma, and similarly a chocolate aftertaste, but without being super sweet at any point. The first sip was like indulging in some amazing pure nectar that lingered on the palette but without giving away too much too soon so that you're kept wanting more. Plus if the sediment at the bottom of a bottle of this beer isn't enough to impress you, I don't know what is. Cooper's Pale Ale (SA) sediment is nothing compared to this.

Apparently Roquefort Trappist is also a good breakfast beer. Despite its full-body, it's easy to see why - the taste is something you can ease into whilst still retaining a strong flavour, exactly like that first coffee in the morning prior to facing a long day at work. And we all know how critical that is.

Beer, with the possibility of more beer to come.

Aside from music, which has become a full time career for me, beer (specifically imported and boutique beer) is the only other man-made product that fills me with the same level of excitement. Possibly more, except if we're talking about CCR, The Beatles or Bob Dylan. Then again, it's really a mutually beneficial relationship; I recently danced in a puddle outside my house to Down On The Corner after a long afternoon of drinking.

Now - I can't really write about music anymore like I once did, due to reasons involving annoying buzz words like "conflict" and "interest" which is all a load of horseshit really, and I could just write about it anonymously anyway, but at least with beer I can talk about it openly with no fear of repercussion, except possible ongoing concern about the depth of my alcoholism, but who wants to worry about silly things like that. Even if a doctor recently told me - as recent as a month ago - to change my lifestyle. Bare in mind I'm in my 27th year too, so the fact my interest has peaked in relation to booze and booze related products in what has become to be known as "the death year" is interesting...

Anyway, enough about music and the obligatory back story... we're here, we're clear, we want to talk about beer.

I like to purchase around six new samples each bottle store visit, or find the most appropriate pubs around Melbourne that seem to know their shit about beer and spend a good afternoon there. Like the Local Taphouse in St Kilda, which taps more than 180 different beers a year, as well as providing a beer tasting platter with matching cheese, and stocking Timothy Taylor's Landlord Strong Pale Ale, which you can see in the photo, but we'll get to that in a minute.

Let's take it from the top;

Bluebottle Pale Ale (NSW)
I was in Sydney on a business trip and before heading off to the airport to catch a flight home, went to the local to grab a six pack - I need to have sunk at least a couple before catching any flight, this is critical in dealing with the impending invasion of personal space. I was greeted by a friendly stocky man who was offering taste tests of his boutique brewery's new products. Lo and behold, the Bluebottle Pale Ale was one of them. A smooth light pale that doesn't linger on the palette, making it a refreshing accompaniment to any meal since it doesn't run the risk of interfering with the flavours from your food. The actual intention of the brewery was to create a beer that could compliment a wide variety of occasions. Hence I recommend drinking this whilst enjoying a good curry dinner or afternoon fish and chips meal (in fact seafood in general, it's no surprise the name actually means something), and warn that this is definitely not for those after bolder flavours.

Epic Pale Ale (NZ)
The store clerk maybe exaggerated a little on this one. I was told that it was the most intense pale I would ever try and that it would "blow the back of my head out". Ok, now it is a bold drop, rich in fruity flavour, very thick, full bodied and with a long lingering aftertaste - it doesn't mess around, it's almost arrogant in its delivery, and relishes the opportunity to stamp its authority. But here's the thing - I don't like my pale's being overly fruity. To me, this relegates them immediately to merely an appetiser or dessert brew, since it's impossible to sit there and drink more than a couple in a sitting. It amazes me that Little Creatures Pale Ale (WA) is held in high regard for this very reason and can only assume that despite the fact I smoke a bajillion cigarettes, I have more than just a semblance of a palette that excels far above any Little Creatures binge drinker. And this also has nothing to do with not being able to handle having my face "blown off", it's just that perfectly balanced flavours have a far greater impact - not those that heavily favour the sweet side.

Duvel (Belgium)
Meaning Devil, it's no surprise that this is such a popular import. The most interesting thing about this beer is how overpowering the smell is - like taking a deep breath in a fruit-filled orchid during the spring while possums dance in the light and butterflies flutter and birds sing and you get the idea - but the taste being somewhat more restrained in comparison to the aroma. Now don't get the wrong idea here, the full-bodied flavour is most definitely a major characteristic but I'm saying that its smell is somewhat misleading in regards to the taste. That's sort of essential to its appeal too, because it holds back from being entirely decadent, allowing the possibility of being able to enjoy it on a regular basis. It still leans towards the heavier side of the spectrum so you just need to be watchful of the impact. Like the time I attempted to drink an entire case of Hoegaarden Witbier (Belgium) and didn't see the proverbial steam train smash me in the face.

Timothy Taylor's Landlord Strong Pale Ale (UK)
With the kids gone, now we can have a serious talk about head-blowing properties. Without a doubt, this pale ale is the best I've come across to date. Yes, it outranks Duvel, and that's a massive ask of any beer. It's the perfect balance of flavour, smell and colour that allows this beer to rise above the pack. Liquid gold with equal parts fruit and bitterness - a smooth texture from a well-balanced brew that rolls straight down the middle of the battle between light and full bodied. You know that they must drink this stuff in heaven, or hell, or whichever one you believe is the actual heaven.

Unfortunately, here is where my memory fails me. Remember the time I took a home beer making course and forgot how to drive? Yeah, a little like that. Being the first blog, I've used a photo from a selection of beer that was sampled a good six months or so ago as opposed to the most recent, which I'll get to in the coming days. And when you try six new beers fairly quickly in one sitting, the fifth and six become a bit of a blur. I remember both the Marsdon's Old Empire India Pale Ale (UK) and the Ambar 1900 Pale Ale (Spain) being high-quality drops that were pleasing even after the overload of goodness from the Duvel and Landlord (what am I saying, I could have been drinking the beer spilt into the ashtray at that point and it would have been pleasing), but I haven't sampled them since. I was particularly impressed with the Old Empire, but I'll have to write about that sometime in the future.